something i dare not post, then

things going on my mind :
SG trip
u and u
and the times we've spent together
the hug
the apologies
YOU!

somehow it's hard to let go,
when something has become a routine,
when something is missing;
it's like your body without any of your organs.

this has to stop,
what she said was right,
it's time to stop getting too close to people like you.

but this is not me, it's not how I work.
How do I stop doing things like this?
Things that'll make me heartbroken,
things that will bring me back to square one in the end?

this had happened 2 times,
if it goes on like this,
i think i'm going to turn a cold heart and stop these things.

if only you could read my mind and understand what's in my mind,
you'd know that you're in my mind most of the time if not everyday.

I'm really surprised after knowing me for so long(okay, maybe not that long),
you don't even know that I understand you,
to the point that I know you wouldn't talk to me like that.

I don't wanna say anything like I did for the last time,
I don't wanna ruin this relationship the way it is,
It is already good the way it is,
i'm not asking for anything more than what we have,
i just hope that things remain the way it is.

in a few months time, i'd be even more devastated.
i know you're leaving,
i can't stop you,
i also cannot make you stay,
it is for your own good,
i just hope that you wouldn't forget me,
and that I know you will be happier,
when you finally find the girl you really love,
who'd care for you when you're sick,
who'd love you for who you are,
who'd do all the things for you the way a wife should,
who'd love you and not hurt you,
who's going to do all the things I'll not be able to do for or with you.

I've never been so wild in my life,
only and only with you.
We did things I've never done,
memories I don't think I'll ever share with someone else.

U gave me a ring, and I returned it,
I don't know how to handle the ring,
it's too much commitment to handle,
too much love from someone I don't love,
too much disappointment to someone I don't love,
too much devastation from someone I love.

I hope in time to come,
my feelings for you will not go deeper,
and that I'd know how to handle things with you.

I've never thought things like this would happen,
heck, I didn't even know I'd even go out with you,
never, ever have I thought,
but I guess it's right,
never say never.

Sometimes I don't know if you're testing me or just plain stupid.
If you were testing me, it's not the way,
if you weren't, then it's just me who reads the wrong signals (hint: iphone case)

I know I'm not your type of girl,
not the type who'd just let you take over,
not dependent, not dramatic,
not like your average blonde, if that's what you were looking for.

I know maybe you just like my company,
or maybe I was just your nearest company you could find.

I was also the one you trusted with your car,
something you've never done with others.
I like the feeling of being trusted by you.

Seeing how far you went through for your best friend,
I wish you could do the same for me,
I wish you would go that far and through all the trouble,
for me. For my birthday this year, but I know it is impossible,
unless I find you there, at where u are at on m birthday this year,
but I don't want to go there, and find that you have a gf,
that would be my worst birthday ever.
However, it would be great if you could just give me a call,
But heck, I've loved a lot of people and I think,
maybe, just maybe, I could be over you by that time,
and that I won't still be loving you, and hoping you'd do all these for me.

These tears that started a long time ago, should stop, it should just stop.
But I know if they don't flow, you wouldn't leave.
And that day, in your car when I cried, I know you noticed, I just wished I didn't felt so heavy hearted on your leaving.
I've cried a few times before, but you didn't realize it.
I should just stop here. Should just stop ALL THESE CRAP!


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.07pm, 27th February 2012

it was that obvious!

things going on my mind :
he knows
it's always like this
hope everything will be alright when I come back from HK


and so the story begins that I like this guy who's already got a gf(they always do) and that I can't forgive myself for the things I did to make it obvious and made everything else fucked up!

it has always been this way, I like someone, get too close and they back off when they notice.
I hate the fact that I did this, that my hands/self did this to myself.

I admit that I do like him, but not to the extend that I want him to break-off with his gf, just that I just want him to treat me as a good friend, one that he can confide to, no that I want a relationship out of it!

I do admit that I made it too obvious and i deserve part of what he's doing, but please don't avoid me.

I'm writing this so that I can forget about it, go to HK and come back fresh, and start back all over again.

These few days haven't been good to me. I need some off time.

Just found out that I won't be getting bonus this year coz' it's only for confirmed staff. and that i'll be sitting in front of Lina's office in the new office. DIE! no more FB-ing! XP

and just found out that he knows since a long time ago, even before I had feelings for him and that I was a too obvious.... that I admit, like I said.

damn, now I can't forgive myself for all these things. I wish I hadn't done it. but in fact, I always wish I hadn't done it.

I'm hoping to leave in a clear state of mind and come back fresh so that I can put things behind me. I will eventually stop smoking somehow. I just need to stop! I'm not addicted but I have the urge to.. I promise I will stop, for I cannot forgive myself for even starting.

btw, I'm going to Hong Kong. for the first time in my life, I'm finally going overseas...

for now, I just wish everything will go back to normal, when I wasn't "the one", when I wasn't treated differently, just back to normal friends...

he's already being a good gentleman by not cutting off ties...

I'm just giving it time to really get outta my mind so that I don't go too deep...

I wish, I wish things would go back to normal! pls pls pls...

Sometimes, when you ask for something too much, they would just gt tired of giving in the end...


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.07pm, 3rd January 2012

A tale of a memorable Christmas

things going on my mind :
streess
work
things that happened
year end~

i did bad things I thought I'd never do.. how am I supposed to forgive myself?

I'm feeling the urge to blog again at this time, padahal I need to be in office at 5am!

first things first, my job. STRESSFUL! but i'm trying to cope, even if I get scolded, I tell meself "You learn! Never Give up!" but then again, tears do drop when you get lecturing over things you didn't do or things you cannot predict or things you don't dare to do or people you don't dare to offend. like how the crew always goes on breaks without the AD's permission. like how my damned talents would cancel on me last minute and I don't have replacements. I'm already feeling bad for have to ask all my friends to help me find talents. *sigh* even that didn't work. I even asked my talents... I feel like such a failure that I couldn't sort things out properly. *sighx100*

And then, my best colleague decided to resign leaving me suffering alone in office. I'm not saying I don't like working there, but things get really bad sometimes and I wonder if this line is me and if this is what I wanna become. But hey, I gotta take things as it comes.

Moving on, Christmas this year took a whole new turn...
I thought I was gonna be resting at home being boring and tired and all,
BUT
-I went partying in the midnite after work at 1am
-kissed a guy TWICE (he's got a gf)
-and clubbed with my bosses

Phew, talk about my nice girl image!
and then, talk about things I never thought I'd do!
Damn!
But it was the best Christmas ever! Thank you, Farid for everything!

My anak-anaks / interns will be leaving soon, I don't know how's life gonna be like without them.
They're like the crazy bunch that you can talk crap to, laugh like nobody's business,
and complain/listen to when there's some issue.

I'm so gonna miss them!
How to deal with the sadness?
First, my colleague, then my interns..
no, the other way around, the interns are leaving first...

For the first time and on christmas eve, I cried over being lectured,
it sucks because I have so much on my plate that I could barely catch a breath or take a rest,
honestly, I'm working even on christmas, luckily I'm not a christian, if not, I have no idea how to deal with going to church and all. but then again, I always put an upfront "I don't need a holiday" sort of attitude when it comes to working in front of my bosses, but deep down, I do want a rest. Which is why, I've got my passport done, and tickets booked to Hong Kong next year after I finish my project. I haven't had weekends in a long time... and this I think I deserve. I'm just waiting for one of my bosses to say yes to my leave application. Wish me luck!


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.17pm, 25th December 2011(should be my last post for year 2011) I hope it ends well... :)

last straw

things going on my mind :
have to finish report
finish assignments
end of student life

最近， 很不愉快。。。
真的真的很不愉快
为何三年的感情会来到这个地步?

it's not worth getting sad over such puny matters but I hate this, i don't like this...
I did not do anything wrong, and surely, I shouldn't be the one getting all these...
I don't deserve being treated like this, I'm not someone you can just shun away when you like...

I need someone's console, and I need someone who understands everything that's going on, to be here for me, to wipe my tears, to tell me it's ok, to hug me, to make me stop thinking of everything that's going wrong...

It's the last, final few days of the semester, or should I say my 3-years of degree life, an undergrad, a senior, a student... I think I'm gonna feel emo on Wednesday.. :(

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 9.27pm , 19 April 2011 (flips back to her due-tomorrow report)

where'd all the good guys go?

things going on my mind :
why?
wanna sleep
later studio training

as the title suggests, my mind is asking why are most good guys taken and/or homo?

Things aren't going well these days and I really want someone to hug and to cry on, everynight, LITERALLY! and please, I want to hug a guy, girls, don't have the same effect.. I know I sound desperate, but I really really crave for that special someone's hug.
Nowadays, all the 'guy' hug i'm getting from is either my dad, or my bro, or my self-proclaimed 'zi-mui' friend, Eugene, which has not much effect.

I don't know why, I don't feel like I have feelings for you, but knowing you've become such a person, I was really heartbroken... I dunno why... but I will wish you the best, coz I've learnt; 'what's meant to be yours will eventually find its way to you, what's not, will never be' and 'to let the person you love be happy with whatever choice they make'...
If you can sense my tad-bit of caring-ness to you, I'm sorry, coz' I dunno how to keep it inside and it is my second nature, but if you couldn't, it's fine, coz' I don't wanna burden you with my feelings for u...

All I want to know is, you still treat me as a friend, may not be a close one, but someone you could console to if you ever find the need to... at the end of the day, it is what I really want...

Tell me his name
I want to know
The way he looks
And where you go
I need to see his face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

I let you go
I let you fly
Now that I know I’m asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 1.07pm, 25th March 2011

of holidays, internship and my thoughts

things going on my mind :
reports..
internship
2 weeks?! where got enough??

hi there, it's been a long time since I've felt so relieved..

finished my exams, which means no worries till the results and the next semester... i was totally sick since post production till now.. need to fix my biological clock and physical health before I can get ready to battle in the working world.. INTERNSHIP!!

but even though it's my holidays now, i still have to finish up my reports before I actually go for internship.. i'm so dead, i have to hand up 1 whole year's worth of reports.. i still lack a few minutes and agenda i guess... the thing is, we've changed DSA officer 3 times ever since our tenure, and we were very punctual every time in the beginning until the beginning of this year, where everything was becoming busier.. oh, that reminds me, i still need to write a report on 48 hours challenge which was clearly a failure, how m i supposed to write?! some1 pls guide me!

anyway, 1st June will be a stepping stone for me, as I finally get to go work in Red Comm. , the company i've always wanted to go to for my career... I'm only a bit bummed by the amount of work i need to do... i'm sorta afraid life's gonna be hell-hectic.. but i guess it's good training to toughen up ourselves... i don't know if i can handle it, but i gonna give it my best..

as a result of my expected busy schedule, i'm planning to catch up with hopefully as many people as i can in these 2 weeks so that i won't be forgotten or some people will not be forgotten in the 3 months i'm gonna be busy.. but hey, there's always Facebook! teehee...

2 weeks of holiday isn't quite enough if u ask me, but i guess it's enough time to rest... pity my friend Li Werng who has been requested to start work this coming monday, 2 weeks before schedule, imagine the shock i will have if it was me, but nonetheless, Good Luck!

ok, here's something i wish someone would understand..

don't come to us because your group failed,
don't come to us after knowing you followed the wrong people,
don't come to us after having no contact or whatsoever for the past semester or 2-3 months..
YOU don't deserve a place in my heart or mind after doing such things to me/us...

you must've not understood the signs I gave you, I don't wanna talk to you,
no matter how much regret you felt, nothing beats the disappointment i've felt then..

if you knew things would've come to this point, why did you do it in the first place?
you knew very well the things you did, y
ou know the hurt you've caused,
you know that the things you did were unforgivable.
you know very well, that i'm not gonna forgive you...
if you didn't know, now you do...

we share nothing in common except a class and a past,
those have been behind, put into some corner of my mind,
never wanted to be brought out anymore,
because i don't trust you anymore,
you broke the glass, and nothing you do can mend the crack that'll always be there in the reflection

when the things happened, i really wished you'd listen to Angela Zhang's Bu Xiang Dong De...

it sort of soothes my heart coz' it really sort of reflected how i felt...

an excerpt of the song goes like this:
when the world unknowingly changes,
i sometimes miss the old me...

i don't wanna say,
i don't wanna know...

i guess those are my thoughts on you..
if we were meant to be friends,
I might accept you later,
i don't know how long it will take me to forgive u,
but when the time comes, you will know it...


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 12.17am, 16th May 2010

BirthdaY SHOUTOUT to:
my granddaughter 孙女
Stephanie Wong Lai Teng
Happy 20th

i'm happy... NOT

things going on my mind :
presentation
assignment
it wasn't me...


if i'm telling you i'm ok, i'm not... this is what i call looking at the surface... OUR masterpiece, initially, CY's masterpiece, but when developed together, it became ours...

our video is a huge success, thanks to the crew and talents...

Crew
KM Cheah
CY Choon
AL Goh
JKW Lee
YC Leong
SLC Pang
JY Tan
V Vengiteson
SY Wong

Talents
EJ Sim
GSL Cheah
YJ Ng
KM Saw
MH Lee
RCS Kew
STS Yeoh
KW Lim
CL Yap
KJ Tan
SMK Boo
CK Mok
SN Tan

something terribly wrong happened yesterday during the celebration dinner.. it made my night all the worst... till the very next morning, today... i'm still not happy... but like dad said, i should learn how to be open, be forgiving, don't worry too much...

I have no idea what went into them yesterday.. after doing so much, i was being brushed off... after reserving seats i was being scolded, after calling and asking when they will be here so that we can prepare the pot for them i was being shut out... if you thought i was so frustrating, let me tell u that i was only CARING! wondering if you've caught in a jam or what or have you lost your way etc. if you think i was frustrating, i'll care less from now on, happy?! and i've already mentioned earlier that I've reserved 7pm... i went early coz' YOU told me if we don't go earlier and reach in time, our reservation would be canceled. i only said my table here are ALMOST full, because my talents ARE saying that they're almost full... Initially, KM and I don't fell like eating 1st since u all were still not here, but not wanting our talents to wait, we ask them to start 1st... what's with you all? I don't appreciated all these segregating everything... YOU THINK I WANTED IT TO BE LIKE THAT?! you think I'm not hurt by ALL YOUR WORDS.. you think my heart is cold and made of stone? i'm weak on the inside, no one knows what happened behind closed doors, no one notices that i feel like crap... no one cares for someone who's quiet izit?! or were u all so terribly having fun that you've forgot to look at the sidelines? or did i spoil your mood once i came in the door? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? TELL ME?!!!

i'll be my sad self until everything has subsided, this is jOyCe signing out at 9.47pm, 19th April 2010

what i think

things going on my mind :
ASSIGNMENTS!!!!


this friend that i used to treasure a lot, is giving a lot of troubles saying that I don't spend enough time with her and she feels left out and all, and clearly stated that she wants a break from my friend and I, and then she says she wanna go out with us etc. I was so confused that finally, on her birthday 20th march, i wrote to her in a card everything i felt.. and that was it... the end of what could've been a good friendship...

and this year, something similar happened again with another friend who claimed she's always the last friend that comes into consideration when it comes to grouping, in the end, she has to be the one left out and is afraid she wouldn't get into any good groups, some class politics happened and this time, it sorta involves the whole class, so in the end, we've sorta became enemies with part of the class..

they were like such show offs saying that people could learn more in their group and not ours etc. Heck, I have better grades than they do! this time, I'm gonna soar, i don't care if it takes my sleep...
I'd say, go fuck off, i don't need them to live, but seeing them everyday for the rest of my 1 and a half years, it sucks~!!

i dunno what i've written, but basically it's what i have to say.. :D

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 10.17pm(LIM EU RIANG!), 15th March 2010

hey, it's my first post for 2010, and it's gotta start on a sour note...

things going on my mind :
i feel cursed...

ADVANCE WARNING!!!
this post contains sad things that may/may not make you sour...

Alright, so 2010 is in for almost a month and i haven't felt the vibe to celebrate just yet...

why izit that everytime when we need more members for a group assignment, we HAVE to be the ones in the last group that almost no one wants to join? and then we have to be left with out casts AGAIN for EVERY FKING assignment that needs more than 5 ppl.. i hate this, i really do... where's MY attraction gone to? have I done anything that no one likes? i don't know, i'd be happier if the assignments needed only 5 members.. and because of this matter, it has cost us a friendship, that we didn't wanna end.. i guess i'd wanna end here.. i'm just not done being angry at her, but what's the use, what's done is done and logically, she wasn't wrong, but friendship wise, i have the right to despise her.. as taken from CY.. but then again, who isn't selfish in this challenging world? it's the survival of the fittest right? you have the right to choose some group that may give you marks, but who says we can't? hell, we may even be better... :P sometimes i really miss my Foundation babes... they make me feel safe..

this time around, there's like 6 damn subjects and I'm like gonna be so dead by the end of the semester and not to mention internship next sem that the advisor haven't briefed us yet.. I'm really looking forward to Red Comm...

saw a senior with his partner today.. OMG.. it was such a coincidence, funny things happened there, and then the possibility of me seeing them both together? nil% .. today was really classic.. :D

oh, and may i mention, my TVP1 lecturer, Mr. Luqman's wife unfortunately lost her life in an accident, i felt sympathy for him and his young daughter... i really do.. my deepest condolences to him and his family and friends.. *a moment of silence*






on a happier note :

Film Club has organised a very successful event, Tiger WooHoo's sharing session with Director Chiu, Jack Lim, Yoke and Bernard Hiew... the turnout was close to 260 students... safe to say that all the sweat put in was worth it.. Special thx to Edmond for giving us the opportunity and all the people who helped out in arranging the chairs etc and for supporting this event.. If you haven't watched it, do TRY to get a chance to watch it, it has raved good reviews from almost all movie-goers.. oh, and it's still hot selling in the cinemas, after it's first screening in 14th January 2010, with people complaining that there's no seats avail for booking or purchase.. and btw, it's the first malaysian made heartwarming CNY movie... guarantee u'll laugh until the end of the credits, i know i did.. :DDDD

tried Shisha after celebrating Ling's early 21st bday in Cipolla Bangsar..

bought a must have shoe in my list from Nose and i uber love it.. it's like front zip criss-cross heels and they're quite comfy

went to Prabha's 21st birthday celebration in Envie which i broke a glass, with my own head..

met with twins and Thivy before my Uni re-opened...

met with Ageetha, my 10 years long lost friend who's in BC Y2S1 after 2 yrs in TARC

also met with Joey from SMKB, joining Foundation leading to Corporate Comm...

ps : some part of this post got missing somehow, i tried typing whatever i remember... :\

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 9.27pm, 26th January 2010

Departure of an uncle

things going on my mind :
FINALS tomoro... progress 0%

my uncle officially departed on 9th Dec @ 2.45pm... after havin stayed at my place for 1 year due to lung cancer...
initially i din felt anything.. but when the cremation time came, i cried like nobody's biz.. i was wondering why i'd cry like that... dunno, guess it was sad that i'd never see him again, memories came flooding by and the tears came rolling down, it was as if it was burning the memories as well...
it sucks to be the juniors, my knees screamed when we did repetitive kneeling and praying during the prayers...
on the other hand, the cremation process was quite advanced, i'd have thought that ppl would manually push the coffin in and start the fire like an oven, but wat i saw today is like a coffin conveyor belt.. like passing through a security check conveyor belt sort of thing, the doors were opened, it was pushed in by a touch of a button(maybe a few) the doors then closed, another touch of the button and 3 more last respects paid, the burning began, u can't exactly hear sounds of burning body or anything, there was just sounds of burning i guess, it kinda sounded like the cooking hood working.. collection of ashes is tomoro, which mum, aunts and cousins will do the honour of spreading it into the sea.. exam's tomoro, can't go, which is another sad thing..

it was really an eye-opener..

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 9.57pm , 11th Dec 2009

It's coming to an end...

things going on my mind :
A-Mei's Yong Gan
what to do for my birthday?
THIV'S BACK!!!

so much happening, and it's coming coming to an end, 2009 i mean..

Firstly, i'd like to highlight major things that happened this year,

let's start with 3 AnVils splitting up..
read more here (there's not gonna be much, but at least there are photos) :

the break up

we don't talk, but i guess if anything came up, my door will still be opened...

had another big tumble when we accepted S as our group member, which eventually resulted in the tumble of our assignment

the departure of my friends to Aus & NZ to study, something, i'd wish i had, but am now contented with what i've got, now they're back, what perfect timing! I MISSED YOU GUYS!! leads to...
a brighter note,

found true friends

went for holidays with those true friends

went clubbing with them too...

might have gotten messed up marks for THE assignment, but at least we had fun doing it through all those midnights

then there was my 19th year.. was a well spent year i guess... so bummed that it's coming to an end... my TEENS are gone! i feel old already K.. pls let me emo a while... gonna live my last TEENs day at Library, no, not the UTAR one or the ones with REAL books, the place for drinking at e@Curve... Uni friends has got me booked for 14th to go there, FINALLY get to drink my Hoedaarden, just found out I've been pronouncing it wrongly, it's HOO-garden.. not Hoe... shall treat them to a pint and maybe try Stella Artois (Are-twa) kinda sucks that my birthday ends almost the same with the YEAR.. damn bummed k.. my last Y2 semester will end next year May, internship's next.. den FY.. den work!! arr... good times past so fast!! i want my youth.. but if the world is coming to an end in 21.12.2012, at least I get to celebrate my 23rd and last birthday b4 we all die.. or not, depends on whether some1 would be kind enough to spare me 1 billion euros to board the arc..

that day 28th Nov, was quite a lucky day for me, i had class, after class, went to cold storage, bought some stuffs and wanted to put in car, saw Joyce Wong at one of the DVD stores at the entrance of Cold Storage, went to Curve's RedBox for a session for Shin Nee's birthday! den sent them home and picked mum from work, den sped off to Curve AGAIN for Niy's 20th at TGIF, i thought I was late, mana tau I was early a slight bit, kata 8pm, 9pm only they were there.. anyways, back to the lucky part.. as we sat, we were all hungry, so menus took all the space my eyes could see, after we ordered and settled down, at the corner of my eye, i saw a guy holding his baby, this guy with ponytail was actually Que Haidar, one of my favourite Malay actors, loved his acting in Cinta, also one of my favourite movies made in Malaysia... enough to be said i was smitten and saw much of him.. smoking, his wife Linda is really pretty.. such cute daughters as well... that was quite a day for me.... btw.i was also stuffed over the brim that day...

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.27pm(thinesh's birthday), 6th December 2009

ps: so what if you have a celeb in your group, didn't it suck that day when they weren't there? such a disappointment, remind me why i wanted to talk to her again?

Birthday Shout Outs to :

Zat
Happy 20th

Shin Nee, Happy 21st...

one of those days

things going on my mind :
a flash of lightning just struck!
i hate my home


one of those days which i feel absolutely useless and hopeless etc.

i honestly don't find a reason why i need to help some1 who's dying as a consequence of his doings

i feel bad, but i also feel that I'm right

did my presentation, both persuasive and demo, i hated myself, but i guess it was alright...

tomoro's my presentation AGAIN, SOLO, about Multimedia Design

i'm not anti-social, we've not talked for so long that I don't even know what to talk about anymore!

starting to wonder if i'm becoming anti-social, I do socialize but maybe I just don't familize?

i need a plan for my birthday, i feel dull!

can someone get me outta here!


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 8.17pm , 30th November 2009

one of the many reasons i hate myself

things going on my mind :
2012!

why do i have so many friends i've not met for so long?
i USED to be THIS anti-social, and i swore i will not continue being like this!
perhaps i am such a controller of myself,
such a perfectionist wannabe,
such a sucker at determination
honestly, i guess i'm just embarassed that i've put on weight and thus, my laziness
who cares anyway?

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 10.07, 11th November 2009

sorry about the delay on the Holiday post, will post sooner OR later...

things going on my mind :
my bajuuuuu....

urrgghhh... will always check clothes i buy from now on!!
just bought a lovely white button up shirt that's got a yellow blotch mark somewhere near the stomach... totally din notice and not exchangeable!! damn pissed now.. thx to WH!

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 6.47pm, 6th November 2009

another sad plunge

things going on my mind :
*knocks self on wall*


the Shoe Addict is officially in sad state...
exam results out, she doesn't feel well...
don't even know how to tell her dad... although he will not scold
keeps telling herself :
"i can make it through the rain,
i can stand up once again"
i really hope i can...
i really hope dean's list is still achieveable
oh dearie me.. please help save my soul from devastation...

today, i'll go do my retail therapy and makan watever i like...

mum haven't said anything.. i told her, but haven't shown her...

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 12.07am, 15th October 2009

pangkor was fun.. will update soon about my sem break till yesterday...

Disappointed

things going on my mind :
_empty_
some1's song...

MV screening has finally ended.. all i can say is, disappointment.... if we even get marks, 75% of the credits should be to me & chi yee... we did most of the things... from pre to post... but the outcome was rather disappointing... a few parts to highlight here is reeve failed to find us a singer, he failed to help during production, and he din offer to help post-production... hock leng, was alright at first, he was supposed to do editing, whatever he edited wasn't following d order of the storyboard, and some full perfect shots, he cut them into several bits, and he lost d original hand drawn storyboard which chi yee drew so diligently... in d end, we need to do almost everything all over again, wasted damn 1 week there.. in the end, he din even show up last few critical days, which chi yee n i stayed back till 10 + to edit... i did some editing here n there.. music in d end, was handed up in minus 1 state, coz' i sang on the last day, it sounded ok, & when put into video, sounded like gila-low key... i can't even hear make up the words.. mr. beh was disappointed coz "you guys promised a full song".. the t3 ppl, well, i must say from the beginning of d production, they've always felt like they were here to HELP us only, and not A TEAM... so they were only there for production week, then, they went on to do their own things.. and shawn, could only give negative comments and useless ideas... he even went on my nerves by saying "can we have the background music only, without anyone singing" after we couldn't find anyone to sing, however, we actually did just that... he insisted he wanted to sing the song when everyone else thinks he's not suitable... and when it was time for him to sing, he couldn't even finish half a listen-able song after 3 hrs... which in d end, chi yee couldn't take it anymore, juz recorded whatever the best they could do that day, after that, he says the song is nice, when i wanted to show it to ppl, he said "i know its not nice, dun have to promote it", promote?! i was clenching my fist ready to punch him if he says another word! when everyone insisted i sing to let them know the melody, i asked him to sing, he dun wan, when i sing halfway, he interrupts! wat a rude chauvinistic man!all i can say is, these 3 assholes, have made me n chi yee utter mad! i din have the face to let everyone in my class see the video let a long lecturers and QUEK! eurghhh....wasted lar... maybe it was too much of expectation, too much time constraint, which ended in too much of disappointment... tat's what happens when you put all left-overs/outcasts in a group, when i really wanna let a huge sigh to signify the end of this music video...
*SIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
kudos to Julian's team which did an awesome-extraordinary-exceptionally-magnificent-remarkable job with his gothic-techno song with videos that is about the 7 deadly sins... he used the scariest music in classical music and vamped it into that sort of scary scenes... all i can say is, a new Quek is born... :)
other than tat, a few MVs carry the same story.. a couple or bf-gf/friends, den one dies, leaving the other behind etc... the few that stands out is Absolution, Mortal indulgence(Julian's), and Shed a tear...
moving along, this semester was supposed to be one of the best & fun ones, but it turned out to be the most disappointing one, i hope i can make it through this time... but hope seems to be so far away! i wish i could do it all over again~~ pls help me! i need a rest from this useless world i'm in...


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.47pm, 27th August 2009

btw, a lot of ppl's birthday coming according to my Facebook list. What, all of a sudden everyone's parents wanted a Merdeka baby?

on the verge of giving up

things going on my mind :
on the verge of giving up~
can we start all over again?

haiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............ i'm speechless... i wish that i dun have to see any of my group members for the video assignment anymore... i so feel like giving up... but i dun wanna retake this subject... i feel like screaming 'shut up' to everyone and take some time off, but time is the thing that i don't have... video shooting starts next week and the song is being changed... it's not even done yet! and the schedule... have yet to be confirmed.. and my life is so going down the drain... i feel very worried but at the same time i'm giving up, i'm so confused rite now.. don't just say it, do it and make sure it is as good as u say it is! u keep saying u'll find the singer, but Kah Mun was the one who found us not only 1 singer, but that 1 singer introduced another singer, i dunno if kah mun is the outsider or u are! i hate listening to ur voice... trying to show that u're good... i hate ur cold jokes, i hate ur so called 'sore-throat', i hate u more than the fact that i hate u being in our group... as if u're very needed in the group, don't forget that u were assigned to our group and not because we chose u, not because u were good, but because you had NO group and that we had NO CHOICE! i'd rather have chin chye than u in the 1st place! i wanna just stay away from u as far as possible, even the director dun wanna c u! i went out for 30 minutes to fetch the talents and u are playing with a damn electric guitar, that there were no progress to the song? u even spilt my drink in the lab 2 TIMES! ONE AFTER ANOTHER! what sort of person are u? to another person, WHERE ARE YOU ALL THE TIME? AT HOME WATCHING PORN THE WHOLE DAY THAT U'RE NOT EVEN FREE TO COME AND HELP OUT?! YOU ARE ANOTHER VERSION OF THE 1ST PERSON, BUT BETTER, BUT U STILL DISAPPOINT ME! all the time! i figure assignment is much more important than any other thing u're doing now that u're a student and the responsibility of a student is to do ur best in assignments and get high marks, if that isn't u, then u might came to the wrong group, because THAT'S OUR MISSION! i have a dean's list to worry about and all u can do is say and no do?! i'm seriously done with them once this sem is over! I NEED A BREAK! i miss my pigs! future sem's short film production will have better group members that are of more worth than u worthless humans! it's such a disgrace that have to have you as my group member, u burden me! i have to think on ur part, i have to assign u things, i have to do almost everything a producer has to do but u take all the marks in d end? to hell with that, i wish i dun have to worry so much but i have to, my goal is on the line! i'm so over u all after this assignment!

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 9.07 , 31st July 2009

i'm so dead... for the sake of my assignment

things going on my mind :
dumb people and the way they do things IRRITATE ME!

i feel so upset now... despite the hardship i go through to try and finish recording the song.. some people juz dun seem to care!! especially, REEVE!!! i don't care if he read's my blog, in fact, i hope he reads it.. it's been 2 fucking weeks since that we've tried to find singers and record the song and he, being the only one who knows how to sing the song isn't able to perform EVERY SINGLE TIME WE NEED HIM! if u dun wan shawn to sing, den find some1 who can!! dun keep saying he's good or wat but not being able to get them to sing.. to say is easy, to do it is hard~! we're going to shoot beginning augst 1st and we've yet to finish the song and finalize things... i dunno la.. i'm very disappointed with the 3 guys in my group... they're incooperative and negative and pessimistic and not contributing enough... at the end of the day... me n chi yee have to go around doing everything... we even have to have other people to find us talents and we've found some1 to sing us the song but now because of reeve, we have to delay... after this time, i'm so over them!! no more i'll tell u, NO MORE! so many things to do, so little time!! i think my anger has subsided..


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 8.47pm , 27th jUly 2009

Language and what nots

things going on my mind :
back to BM again? our future students are sooo gonna suffer
ARRRR.... ASSIGNMENTS! i'm stuck until the end of teaching weeks...

the recent decision to switch back to Malay and other vernacular languages for the teaching of science and mathematics in 2012 has made me and my mum very angry at the education system... first things first, if it has already been in English, let it be... y bother changing it here and there, it's as if the children are guinea pigs of the government's researches... to me, i believe the mastering of the language is essential for the future of the children... now that i'm in a university, majority of the students can't speak well in English, they still prefer to communicate in their mother tongue... everything that we're using now, the books, references, journals are all in English and i find some have a hard time understanding basic words that i know, most of the time, it's the pronunciation and meanings, some have electronic dictionaries, like my friend from a Chinese independent school... so i think that teaching in English, is crucial in the building of out nation, so what if you give more emphasis on the english subject? didn't you emphasize on all subjects, why are students still failling? basically why i'm writing about this issue is because when the topic was still hot, i did research on it in an two assignments...

i suddenly feel like such a failure, of not doing things in time, esp. assignments and now that i'm the producer of the music video team, i feel that i will let down the team... coz' i'm such a procrastinator, the week of shooting will begin in the 1st week of august and we're still lacking on many things, talents esp., song is almost ready, special make-up artist, clothes, i'm so dead by the end of this semester...

Kosh is back and i have yet to find time to go out with her, this woman has been in Hawaii for the past year or so... she's only gonna be here for 2 weeks and the 2 weeks are the weeks i'm the most busy, mid sem d.. i'll find the time.. i WILL i promise...

my july 11 went quite blandly, nothing to remember besides the fact that it was the best day of my life 4/5 years ago...

kor bought me my phone dy.. but to get it, i must go down 13 kilos by the end of august...

i feel un-unique anymore, my name is so common now.... :(

in need of revamping my blog... i nearly lost all its formatting that day... need time again!!

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 10.37pm , 18th july 2009

Lost

things going on my mind :
assignments
i feel empty today...

over the past week, i've been feeling damn empty, like there's a big hole in my stomach and all... i dunno, perhaps the feeling is because of something and someone... i don't even know what to write and what to think of... looking at pics posted by Erisha on Facebook, i suddenly see some1 else.. someone who looks like me but is totally someone else.. I've been feeling so clueless ever since thingts have changed, I'm so uncertain about so many things... plus the fact that i'm always indecisive... i feel, lost... the after effect of everything is pressing on my now and i feel it.. I want to talk, but talk's useless as things have already gone so deep... i feel that nothing can change the fact of everything that has happened... i should be living my life like I always wanted.. and I am, sorta... i wish the song I posted earlier could remind me to forget things...

The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone...

anyways... a little update from the past half a month +... so I've got my new timetable, sucks a bit, but i can live with that considering all of my friends were jealous of it.. my classes are until 1.30 the most on mondays, weds, and thursdays, its only tuesday that's until 6 bcoz' of the Moral subject, and TGIF, i'm free on Fridays... so basically until thursday afternoon, ppl from outstation can go back d.. imagine Ling Hui from Kampar has to go to classes on Saturdays for her Japanese lessons from 3-6... but anyways... besides loving my timetable, I also love the results that came out like 2 weeks back... it was lovely to still be in the dean's list.. despite the slip, I still managed to get 3.71, a slight fall from 3.825, but I can live with it.. as long as my Dean's List can be maintained, i'm alright, I believe if I paid more attention to studying... i could've maintained my results, but as a student of my age, I live life to the fullest, at least I hope.. haha... however, I have a feeling this sem i'm so going to flunk my grades... I have 5 subjects, Moral which i HATE, Mass Comm Theory which sounds and looks super hard based on past experiences explained by seniors, Advertising Copywriting which I'd think sound easy but assignments are tough, Multimedia Tools For Advertising which is basically graphic designing with Illustrator, Photoshop n Dreamweaver which would've been fun if it were not in this sem coz of the workload from the next subject, Broadcasting 2 which i love the lecturer, Mr. Beh(based on past experiences of helping him) but the assignment is damn demanding, it's all about ideas, pitching(Music Video pitching i mean), production, co-operation and a hell lot of outdoor shooting! which is fun if it's not an assignment... hell i have a lot of things to do.. i feel so dead at the end of the semester, no more going out so much now i guess.. we've made a promise to NOT PROCRASTINATE this time... and now that i'm in Year 2... we have 9/10 more new classmates from KTAR... one of them my ex-secondary classmate Seow Yin which now we have 2 and a half tutorial groups... i was surprised to not see Ageetha here coz' it used to be our promise to meet each other here in Y2... i feel so old and that time flies so fast that we're in Y2 now... but then again, i haven' seen any of the Y1S1 juniors yet.. at least i think... damn there are a lot of handsome guys juniors in Y1S1 Graphic Design course.. talking about GD, my friends in GD Y2S1 won some sort of drawing competition that got them first prize of RM8000, impressive and this time no joke.. hahaha... so anyways, kudos to them..

went for Adrian's birthday dinner @ Chilli's in Bagsar Shopping Center (BSC) on the last day of my holidays on 31st of May and boy we had a nite... supposed to be @ 7pm, so me being the me I am went early there in case of parking issues, i went a few rounds until i had a spot right in front of the parking entrance... thought it;d be great since I'm gonna be late home at nite... so went to the toilet to freshen-up myself den waited for him while i walked around, den waited for Darren n the girls, i was thinking of wearing the dress i wore for presentation, the high waist grey and black short dress, but thought there wasn't anything big so i wore a grey short casual dress which I bought during an outting with Thiv @ Forever 21, 1U... in the end, when they arrived, i feel a slight bit under-dressed.. haha... they were dressed up so nicely complete with make up, heels and all luckily i wore my heels as well... not having much time, i couldn't bother making up, or did i? I dun remember if i had put on make up that day, i don't think so.. only lippie.. so can you imagine how not prepared i was.. moreover, with the time-constrain, i was only able to put on lippie.. anyways... we had fun eating, I had monterey chicken which the mashed potatoes were awesome, and C and Darren's honey chicken chipotle was nice as well, den most of us had bottomless drinks and I had an extra some sort of mild alcoholic drink and treated the birthday boy to a presidente margarita which was pure alcohol and tasted nice... at least more alcoholic that mine... C ordered an extra dessert, Molten Lava, which was oh-so-yummy....... met with Adrian's friends, John Ling, Jon Ti and John Chong, and Xing(which was totally cute*blush* but taken), den we went to Bangkung, a park in Bangsar where they had a drunken session... hahaha... kinda, Adrian was like talking non-sense sort of mood and John Chong brought Tigers, Hoegaarden and Absolut Kurant, which smelt lovely but tasted like.. alcohol... hahaha... went home around 11 + coz Adrian has got a curfew, hahaha.. no.. coz' his mum is at home, alone... so he has to go back and accompany her.... the next day, i practically had no hangover but i wish i had coz' classes were @ 8... haha...

celebrated Rick's Birthday @ Shogun 1U coz' of their promotion thingy, filled myself until I was so done.. we sat there from 6 to 10.30pm, practically until the restaurant closed... the amount of food there has gone up a lot.. the last time i went there there was any additional soup and thai delights sort of things... i have no problems going there again, but not this time.. Ling Hui came back and skipped her classes to celebrate.. so on Thursday, after my and Xin Leng's class, we went to watch Monster VS Aliens which was awesome.. so funny!!! den we went walking around until about 6 den we took our que number and waited for around 10 mins for them to open and let us in.. it was so funny coz' the guys were late(can u imagine?) so 3 of us were sitting at a 12 persons table.. slowly the guys came and after a while more, Chun Hwa came with Jasmine and Li Xiang... in the middle, my GD friends took pix with their DSLR cam, me holdingan un-pro cam, went arounf camwhoring with my cam n them helping me take some... after eating till they closed, we went back to the guys' new home and ate cake.... den I sent myself home with Rick and Ling Hui in the car and she drove back to Section 17 to Rick's place and home later... today, Friday, I washed my baby and Ling Hui's car as well and den went up to my place to wached up and den picked up Rick to watch Nite @ the Museum for the second time... first was with CY... it was a funny show and i liked it and said "I don't mind watching for second time", and i really went for a second time... it was supposed to be lunch @ McD which turned into a shopping but then it became a movie date... hahaha.. wanted to go McD for lunch so i suggested 1U, parking and air-con wise... den we were like "let's go shopping" but Ling Hui was broke so i was like, "Movie?" and den she was like "OK!"... so LingHui bought tix and me n Rick went to McD to order food and all 1st... we were kinda rushing for the 2pm show.. so we had like less than 30 mins to eat, but we save a bit on drinks coz' we refilled at McD and tapau-ed into the cinema... den after the movie, we walked a bit and I bought a shoe on 50% in Nose and boy, I have yet to find a time to wear it... blue pointed toe with blingy-high-heels heels... damn nice and cheap i must say... den we went home coz' Ling Hui needed to clean her hamsters' cage... she was having a problem with her bf and i hope the best out of it... i sometimes feel jinxed coz' when i think that they(any couple that consists of friends I know) will NOT last, they'll last, until i think that they'll get married in the future, they'll break up, right when i think they'll last... this has happened more than once and i feel damn jinxed, but like what mum say, i can't control all these things... so do fret... :D anyways, Ling Hui said she won't be coming back anytime soon coz' of her saturday classes.. i'll miss her... and SeeSing is skipping a lot of classes...

anyways... on the last wednesday before my classes started, i went to collect my NOR(results slip) and went to 1U with CY... watched Nite @ the museum as said den went for lunch at... ermmm... where did we eat??? Little Taiwan.. so guess it wasn't much of a nice place that i can remember of... den we walked around until around late 4 o'clock, we bought pretzels and sat down for our tea-time, den instead of CY taking the public transport, i drove her home and went to my dad's on the way after sending CY to show him my results... had dinner there and went back home to pick my mum... :D

ps: i'm supposed to compose an english song... but i have yet to find the inspiration :D

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 12.17am, 6th June 2009