Tuesday, January 03, 2012

it was that obvious!

things going on my mind :
he knows
it's always like this
hope everything will be alright when I come back from HK


and so the story begins that I like this guy who's already got a gf(they always do) and that I can't forgive myself for the things I did to make it obvious and made everything else fucked up!

it has always been this way, I like someone, get too close and they back off when they notice.
I hate the fact that I did this, that my hands/self did this to myself.

I admit that I do like him, but not to the extend that I want him to break-off with his gf, just that I just want him to treat me as a good friend, one that he can confide to, no that I want a relationship out of it!

I do admit that I made it too obvious and i deserve part of what he's doing, but please don't avoid me.

I'm writing this so that I can forget about it, go to HK and come back fresh, and start back all over again.

These few days haven't been good to me. I need some off time.

Just found out that I won't be getting bonus this year coz' it's only for confirmed staff. and that i'll be sitting in front of Lina's office in the new office. DIE! no more FB-ing! XP

and just found out that he knows since a long time ago, even before I had feelings for him and that I was a too obvious.... that I admit, like I said.

damn, now I can't forgive myself for all these things. I wish I hadn't done it. but in fact, I always wish I hadn't done it.

I'm hoping to leave in a clear state of mind and come back fresh so that I can put things behind me. I will eventually stop smoking somehow. I just need to stop! I'm not addicted but I have the urge to.. I promise I will stop, for I cannot forgive myself for even starting.

btw, I'm going to Hong Kong. for the first time in my life, I'm finally going overseas...

for now, I just wish everything will go back to normal, when I wasn't "the one", when I wasn't treated differently, just back to normal friends...

he's already being a good gentleman by not cutting off ties...

I'm just giving it time to really get outta my mind so that I don't go too deep...

I wish, I wish things would go back to normal! pls pls pls...

Sometimes, when you ask for something too much, they would just gt tired of giving in the end...


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.07pm, 3rd January 2012

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Sunday, December 25, 2011

A tale of a memorable Christmas

things going on my mind :
streess
work
things that happened
year end~

i did bad things I thought I'd never do.. how am I supposed to forgive myself?

I'm feeling the urge to blog again at this time, padahal I need to be in office at 5am!

first things first, my job. STRESSFUL! but i'm trying to cope, even if I get scolded, I tell meself "You learn! Never Give up!" but then again, tears do drop when you get lecturing over things you didn't do or things you cannot predict or things you don't dare to do or people you don't dare to offend. like how the crew always goes on breaks without the AD's permission. like how my damned talents would cancel on me last minute and I don't have replacements. I'm already feeling bad for have to ask all my friends to help me find talents. *sigh* even that didn't work. I even asked my talents... I feel like such a failure that I couldn't sort things out properly. *sighx100*

And then, my best colleague decided to resign leaving me suffering alone in office. I'm not saying I don't like working there, but things get really bad sometimes and I wonder if this line is me and if this is what I wanna become. But hey, I gotta take things as it comes.

Moving on, Christmas this year took a whole new turn...
I thought I was gonna be resting at home being boring and tired and all,
BUT
-I went partying in the midnite after work at 1am
-kissed a guy TWICE (he's got a gf)
-and clubbed with my bosses

Phew, talk about my nice girl image!
and then, talk about things I never thought I'd do!
Damn!
But it was the best Christmas ever! Thank you, Farid for everything!

My anak-anaks / interns will be leaving soon, I don't know how's life gonna be like without them.
They're like the crazy bunch that you can talk crap to, laugh like nobody's business,
and complain/listen to when there's some issue.

I'm so gonna miss them!
How to deal with the sadness?
First, my colleague, then my interns..
no, the other way around, the interns are leaving first...

For the first time and on christmas eve, I cried over being lectured,
it sucks because I have so much on my plate that I could barely catch a breath or take a rest,
honestly, I'm working even on christmas, luckily I'm not a christian, if not, I have no idea how to deal with going to church and all. but then again, I always put an upfront "I don't need a holiday" sort of attitude when it comes to working in front of my bosses, but deep down, I do want a rest. Which is why, I've got my passport done, and tickets booked to Hong Kong next year after I finish my project. I haven't had weekends in a long time... and this I think I deserve. I'm just waiting for one of my bosses to say yes to my leave application. Wish me luck!


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.17pm, 25th December 2011(should be my last post for year 2011) I hope it ends well... :)

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Friday, December 25, 2009

oh, the headache


things going on my mind :
Lee Hom's Heartbeat
fantasies
plans
internship


surrently listening to Leehom's song, so much memories flooding in about this year, and it's gonna end in 6 days.. i don't know about u, but my year has been filled with ups and downs... too much to mention... but i feel sad to leave 2009, coz' imma be 21 in 2010.. i feel damn old being 20 d..

will post about my birthday...

but now, i'm worrying about my internship.. i don't wanna go 8TV coz' i dun wan ppl to think i'm going in because of family relationship, but if i'm really given a bad company, should i consider? or should I just go in for an interview anyway? my top 3 placements would be Red Comm, Astro, and Popiah.. next in line, Grand Brilliance and 8TV... I know those are top places but that's y goals must be set high, but then again, if i fail, i fall harder... next sem will be a super-duper hectic one, i don't even know if I've got enough time to go interview.. oh, please let me make it through black and white if not with flying colours...

i know it's been so long that I haven't posted about my holidays back in Oct, trust me, i'm working on it...

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 8.57pm, 25th December 2009

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Saturday, October 10, 2009

Holidays are a bliss, they're meant to be...

things going on my mind :
Perak, here i come...
i ne
ed to start packing...

just a little update before i'm off to Perak tomoro, for holiday reasons of course...

Sibu was awesomeness! Met with very nice, playful, sweet people... lots of love to See Sing for lodging and introducing us to such ni
ce friends, honestly, her friends were either pretty or handsome, u have to see the real person to know.. =) special thanks to See Sing, Zi Le, Eng Eng, Xiao Ma, Jimmy, Hui Lee(Ah Li), Hui Ping & bf back from Melbourne, Vincent(though din talk to him much, he was funny... =) more on next post....

going to Pangkor tomoro via my babay 9948... :) please be at your best condition tomoro... going to ipoh for lunch before to sitiawan, sin yee's place, for the nite, and monday morning to pangkor, rain rain go away, come again another day... *plsplspls*

results is coming out, not nervous just yet... i FELT like i can answer the questions, but i dunno... some ppl from other courses have failed and
that made me *touch index fingers together*...

d*mb UTAR annouce due date for student bill but din post it up.. wtf? i have a feeling it'll be out when i come back from Pangkor...

baby got fixed for RM600+, rat sound gone, oil changed, door easy to open, alignment done, changed tyres, still need to repair rims and change timing belt next visit, thx to Kok Heng sifu, my bro's fren, my trusted mechanic =)

had myself pampered 2 days in a row, 1st was at Colour Culture which i spent rm89 on a rejuvenating pedi, kinda regretted, should've just sticked to the basic or waited for nail parlour(had to wait for 1 and a half hours to get
a place, nail parlour does almost everything, and even better service, for HALF the price... nvm... once in a while pampering is good enough, went for a complimentary exfoliation spa at Mary Chia today, bought myself another facial for future use for RM80, ori price RM180, use rm 100 cash voucher... plus, my mum can go for the same facial for free, as a trial... =D

i shall stop now, otherwise ppl say very long, so dun wan read... ;P

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 10.o7pm, 10 October 2009

ps :
9/10Happy Belated Birthday to Carmen Chong Cha Boon(already wished u yesterday on FB)

11/10Happy Birthday to my kor, Mark Lee Kah Meng tomoro! Call back, mum miss u...


12/10Happy Birthday to Louise Liew the director.. love u..


12/10Happy Birthday to Vetekumari dear...

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Thursday, October 01, 2009

a lil' update before my busy holidays start


things going on my mind :
hungry
Cbu.. here i come
what else did i pack less of?

i'm off to Sibu Sarawak in approx. 8 hours... and yet i'm not getting the sleep i need... basic nervousness i get whenever something i've planned for a long time is tomoro(rather today)... i'm finally getting the vacation i needed... kinda wondering what i've packed less of.. my last meal was approx. 5pm... so tat explains the huingry... as always, i wish i could pack my room there... i fucking can't find my old nokia charger and it sucks max coz' i really needed it! anyways... my luggage is big, but it's not that heavy.. love the travel bag i bought online from Lowyat.net user pewfy... was such a steal! anyways.. will update more when i come back... i'm FINALLY sleepy... =)



until then, this is jOyCe signing out at , 2009

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

totally love the header~


things going on my mind :
my new header! love it~!
sem break, more like sem. boring...
time to upload n update

how u like the new header? beats d old blank one huh? and how u like the window title?

where the wardrobe is not always in season

kinda reminds me of Kenny Sia's phrase..

do check out the links to the right.. updated a few of my facebook public albums, not tagged yet, but better than nothing.. and a few of my fav. blogs... sorta..

i've been really slacking these days.. no money to go out, not even to a pre-paid movie which i haven't paid yet.. haha.. kinda diminishes the meaning of the prefix... haha..

been watching movies and movies and movies... i need to stop already.. i'm even downloading Gone With The Wind from 1939... no typo errors there... finished watching Back to the Future Trilogy from 1985-1990

went to big bad wolf (bbw) books sales and books were honestly.. nothing over RM20... got influenced by Sherry C on her blog, so went there and checked it out... my fav. Camilla Morton's 2nd book, A Girl For All Season Hardcover was going for only RM8... I changed and changed and changed whenever i see another in better condition... the freaking book would've cost about RM99 in normal bookstores.. to my pleasure, i also bought Things I Wish My Mother Had Told Me which was also RM 8, in perfect condition, Borders was selling it for around 40-50... too bad i wasn't a pre-teen anymore, Meg Cabot's books were only RM 5 for hardcover, in perfectly new conditions, wrapped with some kiddy stuff.. haha.. unfortunately, i couldn't find V. Beckham's That Extra Half An Inch... ooohhh, i so love that book when i saw it in Popular, but it was in bad bad condition... i always like my books and magazines in mint condition, I also went to MPH warehouse before that and the books there were quite expensive compared to BBW, got a mini recipe book for muffins, Fashion Babylon by Imogene Edwards-Jones and Xandria Ooi's Love, Work and Everything in Between.. I used to loathe her when first spotted her at Hitz.TV as a VJ, but now she exerts so much appeal into me and her confidence is so good that I wish I'd become like her sometimes, apart from her hot body that is... I'm at pg200 now, the book is a compilation of her articles in the Star and i don't quite remember seeing a lot of her columns often, despite the few times which i used to ignore... am so gad she's getting married... her beau proposed to her early May and it was recorded for her TV show, 'Xandria's Weekend Discovery'... can you imagine, 4 years ago, i didn't like her, but now, it's d opposite... well, people do change and especially perspectives when you get to know them... the book sold at MPH for RM 49.90, but got it in d warehouse for RM 30... a steal considering the quality of it... so these are my new babies accompanying me for these 3 weeks of boredom...


btw, i've not mentioned, before my 3 weeks of holidays, were exams.. i must express deepest disappointment in myself for this semester.. i've really fallen thru a deep hole this time, din really paid much attention in class, not studying well, i must've been too damn over-confident after being in the dean's list for a sem.. i wish to kill myself now.. the results are about to be realeased and i'm on the edge of my seats as i'm visioning "I told u to study... bla bla bla.. " from my parents esp. my mum... *sigh* i dunno la, last sem has been a messed up sem.. and hopefully this tri will not be..


before exams, I went to Penang with Aunty Sucy, Aunty Bee Ling(back from Germany), my mum n I.. went on a culinary adventure and guess what, i came back 2 kilos heavier.. the food there was da bomb.. went to gurney drive(where they had lovely rojak with Hae Ko, prawn paste), kek lok si(where their assam laksa was only 2.50, small portion, but filling enough), went to my aunt's new apartment at Sungai Emas(interesting architecture), went to makan at mccalister road(cheap dim sum, lovely o chean(fried egg batter with oyster), and managed to find the famous aunty with welding glasses selling char kuey teow, too over-priced if it was from my pocket, RM 6, prawns were succulent but is was just okay, had awesome chee cheong fun with hae ko again, this time, 4 plates.. 3 bowls of ice kacang), went to 2 temples the Burmese and Thai temples opposite each other on Burma Lane, and did i mention that I drove the Kia Sportage in Penang? damn nice, feel so much bigger and confident.. haha.. on the road to n fro Penang, we stopped by Ipoh's original Old Town(to Penang) to have lunch and boy, the best Cham Ice i've tasted, nice char kuey teow, and when traveling back, went to have famous bean sprout chicken rice somewhere in Ipoh as well, near new town? haha.. so the 2 kilos was considered a little, btw, the sand in Penang is very coarse and hell, when it gets into my bathing suit, i swear i could look like a man... we got Beach view of the apartment and it was damn windy and I could really fly with the wind...

during the exams, after my 4th paper, before my last paper, I went to Lee Hom's Music Man concert in the National Stadium... boy the amount of people.. it was about 25,000 there.. i regret not buying the REAL expensive one as the one i paid for nearly RM200 was VERRRRYYYYYYYYY FAR AWAY~~~~ Lee Hom was like an ant size and it felt so unrealistic, like really and literally, watching a DVD, coz' he was sosososo far away.. i swear to get closer(and more expensive) seats next time... I hope they release a DVD, i'd wanna buy it.. I cried during some songs he sang, like Luo Ye Gui Gen.. i dunno.. felt so warm inside... Chi Yee n I drove there.. bringing along Yee Theng, Shawn, Jing Lin in my car and Kah Mun and two of her housemates in Chi Yee's car... waited 1 hour after the concert ended after the jam to go home, den to Murni and was home around 1.30+am

after the exams, i went to PD(Port Dickson, not UTAR's PD) on thursday, had loads of fun soaking in sun, sand and beach, it's been much cleaner now compared to last time.. the water is much clearer and the beach has been super clean... on the shores, that is... went with grandma, uncle, mum , maid and two aunties whom were my mum's nannies... i went to the beach in the afternoon, got a lil sun burnt a bit at nite, but was fine after some spritz of Avene's Thermal Spring Water... came back on saturday...

then, went to Kampar on Monday till Thursday... on monday morning, Ling Hui picked me up from my place in her new i10... she still needs some practice driving, esp. on highways, but other than that, she's alright... her turnings are a bit to 'swift'.. haha.. no 'dizzyness' in d car for that matter, she had her last paper on tuesday, her junior/roommate also had exams the next morning, so i pretty much watched shows there and ate, and watched and help fix the fridge, and ate, and watched shows, played 'cho dai di' and billionaire Malaysia, which was so not logic if you ask me, only two of us played, and no one at any point reached the millionaire status, not even hundred-thousandaire, and the prices of lands and properties were ridiculous... RM 2000 for the most costly Multimedia Super Corridor... hahaha.. i wish.. then, pasar malam, which, was super filling until my stomach bursted, literally... then, on thursday, packed up, and brought her hamster along back to KL, me driving this time... she slept coz' she slept around 4am in d morning watching 'Huan Zhu Ge Ge'/My Fair Princess or something until it finished, used to be a hit about maybe 10 years ago.. i got the shock of my life when there was roadblock, no. 1, I haven't pass my P yet, and there was no P tag, no. 2, I'm driving a car not belonging to me.. i think it belongs to Ling Hui or the bf or both... anyways... went home, put her hamster and some things in my house(coz' her bf's place was locked and she din have the new key) and went to BTS.. walked from 2 till 3, had lunch at Bar B Q.. den walked sumore until 7, watched X-Men den went home at 10ish.. picked up her bf and to my place for her stuff and bye bye... hahaha... i din buy anything, Ling Hui wanted a formal heel and slippers but went home with a Prada purse and a second hand slippers from my place which she wanted to buy that I din wear... haha.. she tried on a few at BTS, but the one that fit her properly, din look nice, the one she liked, din fit right... or the price was too high... always go by the rule, don't go into a shopping mall wanting to get something(ie, shoes/bags/clothes), you'll only walk out empty handed or not what u went there for.. that has always happened to me, when i wanna buy slippers, i never find the right pair...

however, i got a lovely off-white bag that i've been eye-ing for a week since i saw it.. I saw it in MidV and I loved it at first sight, went head over heels for it on second touch... perfect feel, size and zippers were alright, and the handle was big enough... i left the place without buying it coz' it was a bit pricey, but decided to get it a week later... RM80... kinda my highest priced one.. i also fell in love with channel quilted bags... but a lot of ppl were holding it and that sorta brought the impression down a little...

went to Sogo for the Padini Fair, things were going for 90% discount.. i bought 2 heels, one red round toe for 15 bucks, and a black peep toe mary jane for 55 bucks... that was practically all i went there for... some were still over-priced judging by the conditions... so i went home after having lunch at a kopitiam there... an hour b4 the jam starts in KL...

that's a month of update from me.. will post up more photos on the "In Her Closet" at the right...

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.47pm , Wednesday 20th May 2009

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