A tale of a memorable Christmas

things going on my mind :
streess
work
things that happened
year end~

i did bad things I thought I'd never do.. how am I supposed to forgive myself?

I'm feeling the urge to blog again at this time, padahal I need to be in office at 5am!

first things first, my job. STRESSFUL! but i'm trying to cope, even if I get scolded, I tell meself "You learn! Never Give up!" but then again, tears do drop when you get lecturing over things you didn't do or things you cannot predict or things you don't dare to do or people you don't dare to offend. like how the crew always goes on breaks without the AD's permission. like how my damned talents would cancel on me last minute and I don't have replacements. I'm already feeling bad for have to ask all my friends to help me find talents. *sigh* even that didn't work. I even asked my talents... I feel like such a failure that I couldn't sort things out properly. *sighx100*

And then, my best colleague decided to resign leaving me suffering alone in office. I'm not saying I don't like working there, but things get really bad sometimes and I wonder if this line is me and if this is what I wanna become. But hey, I gotta take things as it comes.

Moving on, Christmas this year took a whole new turn...
I thought I was gonna be resting at home being boring and tired and all,
BUT
-I went partying in the midnite after work at 1am
-kissed a guy TWICE (he's got a gf)
-and clubbed with my bosses

Phew, talk about my nice girl image!
and then, talk about things I never thought I'd do!
Damn!
But it was the best Christmas ever! Thank you, Farid for everything!

My anak-anaks / interns will be leaving soon, I don't know how's life gonna be like without them.
They're like the crazy bunch that you can talk crap to, laugh like nobody's business,
and complain/listen to when there's some issue.

I'm so gonna miss them!
How to deal with the sadness?
First, my colleague, then my interns..
no, the other way around, the interns are leaving first...

For the first time and on christmas eve, I cried over being lectured,
it sucks because I have so much on my plate that I could barely catch a breath or take a rest,
honestly, I'm working even on christmas, luckily I'm not a christian, if not, I have no idea how to deal with going to church and all. but then again, I always put an upfront "I don't need a holiday" sort of attitude when it comes to working in front of my bosses, but deep down, I do want a rest. Which is why, I've got my passport done, and tickets booked to Hong Kong next year after I finish my project. I haven't had weekends in a long time... and this I think I deserve. I'm just waiting for one of my bosses to say yes to my leave application. Wish me luck!


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.17pm, 25th December 2011(should be my last post for year 2011) I hope it ends well... :)

last straw

things going on my mind :
have to finish report
finish assignments
end of student life

最近， 很不愉快。。。
真的真的很不愉快
为何三年的感情会来到这个地步?

it's not worth getting sad over such puny matters but I hate this, i don't like this...
I did not do anything wrong, and surely, I shouldn't be the one getting all these...
I don't deserve being treated like this, I'm not someone you can just shun away when you like...

I need someone's console, and I need someone who understands everything that's going on, to be here for me, to wipe my tears, to tell me it's ok, to hug me, to make me stop thinking of everything that's going wrong...

It's the last, final few days of the semester, or should I say my 3-years of degree life, an undergrad, a senior, a student... I think I'm gonna feel emo on Wednesday.. :(

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 9.27pm , 19 April 2011 (flips back to her due-tomorrow report)

where'd all the good guys go?

things going on my mind :
why?
wanna sleep
later studio training

as the title suggests, my mind is asking why are most good guys taken and/or homo?

Things aren't going well these days and I really want someone to hug and to cry on, everynight, LITERALLY! and please, I want to hug a guy, girls, don't have the same effect.. I know I sound desperate, but I really really crave for that special someone's hug.
Nowadays, all the 'guy' hug i'm getting from is either my dad, or my bro, or my self-proclaimed 'zi-mui' friend, Eugene, which has not much effect.

I don't know why, I don't feel like I have feelings for you, but knowing you've become such a person, I was really heartbroken... I dunno why... but I will wish you the best, coz I've learnt; 'what's meant to be yours will eventually find its way to you, what's not, will never be' and 'to let the person you love be happy with whatever choice they make'...
If you can sense my tad-bit of caring-ness to you, I'm sorry, coz' I dunno how to keep it inside and it is my second nature, but if you couldn't, it's fine, coz' I don't wanna burden you with my feelings for u...

All I want to know is, you still treat me as a friend, may not be a close one, but someone you could console to if you ever find the need to... at the end of the day, it is what I really want...

Tell me his name
I want to know
The way he looks
And where you go
I need to see his face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes

I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

I let you go
I let you fly
Now that I know I’m asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 1.07pm, 25th March 2011

I don't know what to say

things going on my mind :
what should I do?

if I could sum up my last three years, there are some particular times I would like to forget, if not, I'd rather not remember anything at all.

It's like an event that HAS to happen EVERY year since my 1st year in degree.
what? isit like a trend or something? Must there be such a big change in my life? or is my last three years just a lie?
have I done nothing that you could remember? have I done something so wrong that it is unforgivable?
I've had it with the attitude!
If you're not happy, pls voice it out. don't keep it inside and explode later. I'm not built for such explosions and I need to explode too.

No one listens huh? Has anyone ever paid any attention whatsoever to what I said?!
Isn't it enough of dictating already?
U don't want to lead, so let others and let them do their job. We know what we are doing.
U make me feel like the last three years meant nothing to u, our friendship meant nothing to u.
It may be something going on at your home that stresses you that I don't know of, but we all have our own issues, my house nearly burned down with my dad and is that not an issue big enough?

You just say "I'm not going to waste my time since you all are not listening to me." Does everyone get heard out? Sometimes we have to pay attention and listen to what others has to say and consider. It's not like we didn't listen, but due to some circumstances, we did what we did. Given a chance to turn back time, I would still have done the same, I can't say for others.
In a way, someone should've re-charged the battery. In a way, someone should've remembered to turn off the device. In a way, someone could've done something to have prevented what has happened. Sometimes, you just have to bear with it, even when you don't like it. Just cause u did it before, doesn't mean we have to follow your way.

If there's any good memory left, I'd like u to remember and keep it. Don't let what happened influence it and make it collateral damage, after all, it was just a small matter.

I've had enough of pleasing others, from now on, it's all just gonna be about me, and how I live my life. End of story.

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.37pm, 27th February 2010

of holidays, internship and my thoughts

things going on my mind :
reports..
internship
2 weeks?! where got enough??

hi there, it's been a long time since I've felt so relieved..

finished my exams, which means no worries till the results and the next semester... i was totally sick since post production till now.. need to fix my biological clock and physical health before I can get ready to battle in the working world.. INTERNSHIP!!

but even though it's my holidays now, i still have to finish up my reports before I actually go for internship.. i'm so dead, i have to hand up 1 whole year's worth of reports.. i still lack a few minutes and agenda i guess... the thing is, we've changed DSA officer 3 times ever since our tenure, and we were very punctual every time in the beginning until the beginning of this year, where everything was becoming busier.. oh, that reminds me, i still need to write a report on 48 hours challenge which was clearly a failure, how m i supposed to write?! some1 pls guide me!

anyway, 1st June will be a stepping stone for me, as I finally get to go work in Red Comm. , the company i've always wanted to go to for my career... I'm only a bit bummed by the amount of work i need to do... i'm sorta afraid life's gonna be hell-hectic.. but i guess it's good training to toughen up ourselves... i don't know if i can handle it, but i gonna give it my best..

as a result of my expected busy schedule, i'm planning to catch up with hopefully as many people as i can in these 2 weeks so that i won't be forgotten or some people will not be forgotten in the 3 months i'm gonna be busy.. but hey, there's always Facebook! teehee...

2 weeks of holiday isn't quite enough if u ask me, but i guess it's enough time to rest... pity my friend Li Werng who has been requested to start work this coming monday, 2 weeks before schedule, imagine the shock i will have if it was me, but nonetheless, Good Luck!

ok, here's something i wish someone would understand..

don't come to us because your group failed,
don't come to us after knowing you followed the wrong people,
don't come to us after having no contact or whatsoever for the past semester or 2-3 months..
YOU don't deserve a place in my heart or mind after doing such things to me/us...

you must've not understood the signs I gave you, I don't wanna talk to you,
no matter how much regret you felt, nothing beats the disappointment i've felt then..

if you knew things would've come to this point, why did you do it in the first place?
you knew very well the things you did, y
ou know the hurt you've caused,
you know that the things you did were unforgivable.
you know very well, that i'm not gonna forgive you...
if you didn't know, now you do...

we share nothing in common except a class and a past,
those have been behind, put into some corner of my mind,
never wanted to be brought out anymore,
because i don't trust you anymore,
you broke the glass, and nothing you do can mend the crack that'll always be there in the reflection

when the things happened, i really wished you'd listen to Angela Zhang's Bu Xiang Dong De...

it sort of soothes my heart coz' it really sort of reflected how i felt...

an excerpt of the song goes like this:
when the world unknowingly changes,
i sometimes miss the old me...

i don't wanna say,
i don't wanna know...

i guess those are my thoughts on you..
if we were meant to be friends,
I might accept you later,
i don't know how long it will take me to forgive u,
but when the time comes, you will know it...


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 12.17am, 16th May 2010

BirthdaY SHOUTOUT to:
my granddaughter 孙女
Stephanie Wong Lai Teng
Happy 20th

i won't be influenced by nonsense i tell u...

things going on my mind :
wtf?!
exams

okay, my blog has recently became a place i vent, i apologize but to read or not, is your choice, it's here for me to:
1. vent
2. remind me why i behave a certain way/why don't like/like something...

the issue before this is sorta solved, here's another

here goes,

Facebook Wars :

it all started when the TVP1 filler marks came out, which was on sunday morning
let me quote,
"玩针对，卑鄙小人。维护自己的gang，这种叫朋友？我呸！有没有都罢！！！"
loosely translated, it means "cunning ppl, protecting their own gang, this is what you call friends? got or not oso i don't care"

mind you this was posted right after the marks were out, at first, i didn't think of it much, then when i saw the conversation below it, she claims her marks were not fair, that she thinks we're protecting our own friends by giving low marks to others and to our own friends(or what she likes to call it, GANGS) higher marks, feels like f'ing us, and that we collaborate to give other outsiders low marks...

i replied:
"excuse me, bitch! pls think of what you've contributed to the group before saying that we joint together to give you low marks!! 反省一下你自己有付出过什么! I gave marks according to what I observed, if you're not satisfied, go eat shit larr..."

then she said:
"mother of bitches !!! 双面人！我呸事你！好像废人酱坐在那边，这叫contributions?我晕！有车就是contributions? 载人就是contributions?我呸！！！车油钱又不是只有你们出！i dont expect 2 b in d same group as u guys anymore, anyway. so, i dont k. besides, plz x tell me dat u x have gengs in dat group or u guys give marks fairly, like I've no eyes. i knw im jz an outsider, so ...im x surprised ur 'gengs' give ur own members high2 marks."
translation, "double faced person, i look down on you. sitting at the side like a useless is called contributions? got car means contributions? driving people means contributions? the petrol money wasn't only paid by you all etc."

my rationale :
look, everyone had a chance to hold the video camera, did you take? did you use any of your energy to contribute anything to this assignment? did you suggest any ideas?
true that got car doesn't mean contribution, but have you thought the drivers need a lot of energy and concentration to even drive you at midnight to the shooting location? all you did was sleep...
it's also true that i din pay all the petrol money but have you thought of the wear and tear of my baby 9948? having to go full load with 5 ppl in the car is very tiring for him, if you say it so easily, i'd rather pay you to drive us there, how about that? i'm not making a cent out of driving you all there you know, don't say it as if your money is very big...
besides, the first reason you came to our group is because YOU didn't have a group, YOUR OWN tutorial group didn't even wanna accept you, can you imagine what sort of troubles you have caused them to make them have such bad impression over you?
yes, our group is the main foundation of the group, but i gave marks according to what i've seen, and mind you, ckm gave marks very high for everyone for this assignment, you got low marks because others didn't see you work, even the person with the lowest marks isn't complaining, how dare you! and how dare you scold him, he's just trying to help... the marks were given collectively, don't blame it on ME that you've gotten low marks, what about the other 7? if they too gave u such low marks, i think you have to really sit down quietly to think of why they gave you low marks, isn't it?
and also, NO ONE treated you as a friend.. i'm sure i didn't...
and then, NO ONE came to us to ask if the editting was done, or whether we needed help, or whether we needed some songs or whatever, everything we did by ourselves, even the idea was brought up by OUR own member... even the day we handed up the filler, NO ONE asked if it was done or anything...
and the location's permission was applied by me, without the approval, i don't think the scene would be that nice, but then again, you weren't there...
without car, you would need to walk to the location don't you, don't tell me u didn't sit in anyone's car, and you, having to have people sending you home all the way back, all the petrol was paid by the production to send you home, like i said, you could've stayed at my place...
without my network, do u even think u'd be able to have such professional talents?
heck, don't you even dare to complain when all you did was nothing...

then i replied
"look who's talking, it takes a 'mother of bitches' to know one.. but hey, without us, u're nothing! without you, we're still able to do everything... end of story."
and
"most of the time, people are blinded by their own mistakes. to be able to have done so much for the production, is something that I could be proud of, because at the end of the day, I benefitted from the whole assignment, I've learnt A LOT!"

then she started showing me the middle finger thru her profile picture,

hey you, when i first started to show the middle finger, you were still too young to even understand the word "fuck"...

true enough, without you, we can still do everything, without us, you don't even have a single mark...
when i needed some1's help to do something, no one offered a hand, everyone only sat at the sidelines, in the end, I had to do it myself, i don't mind doing more, like i said, i learnt a lot thru all these, but don't pretend like you've done a lot, when your biggest 'contribution' was looking after the primary school tony, Yi Jun... all the other casts were casted by me, i don't know if you wanted to sabo us or not, but you could've told me earlier to look for a back up if you knew your talent would be hesitant, lucky thing i asked for Gino's help, if not, you would've jeopardized the whole assignment...
and i don't even know why i was cracking my head to try to put you into one of the positions in the credits so that you have more positions that shows your part, i should've just left you out to die, your talent was one of the smallest character needed, but yet, i had to be a nice person to put you as my assistant
what could've been worst than not being in time for the call time? you were not there for half the day!! i know you live far, that is why i OFFERED my home for you to stay in for the production period, but NO, you had to go home...
oh, have you even offered to help in post production? as bad as the other 3 were, they still came to school to offer help, even reeve came to overnight to help try and do the gun shot powder effect thing, where have you been? you only came on the last day at the very last minute when we were exporting the thing, i'd rather you stay at home and don't take up the space in mac lab, you wanted to show the lecturer that you were there for the editting process izit?
we had another assignment to do, scriptwriting, so you only thought that YOU had to rush that only izit? so the rest of the people editting one no need to rush lar? moreover, whatever you've done is pure bullshit, i've never seen someone as dumb as you were writing malay and chinese in an english script, don't you know that ms. ash can't understand chinese? and then you threw everything to chi yee/kar mun for them to correct your mistakes until they die?
bottom line is, if you're not happy with the marks, go complain to the lecturer lar..

then i replied:
pls stop degrading yourself any further when what you did was TOTALLY nothing... zero, nada, yilek, kosong...

she said :
feel sorry 4 ur parents 4 having such kid... feel sorry 4 ur siblings 4 having such sister... feel sorry 4 ur relatives 4 having such cousin/niece... feel sorry 4 u 4 being in dis world !!! muahahaha~ YA, u can continue barking over there. i will do watever that makes me happy. ur barking wun stop me anyway!!! So, jz f*** OFF !!!

are you referring to yourself? my family is so proud to have a daughter/sister/cousin/niece who's in the dean's list for 2 times, what callie do you have?
and also, red comm is a very reputable company, i don't know what company you were accepted for internship, but you're living in MALAYsia, if you don't mix well with them, you have no place to stand i'll tell you.... but then again, maybe your language is not good enough to be able to communicate with them, mayb that's why they didn't accept you...
so what if all the actors are malay, i'm glad to be given a chance to work with them, i already have a chinese celeb in my family... what do you have?
oh btw, i didn't bark, maybe you were a dog, so u read human words as barks, pity you...
oh, and have i said, you need to learn to work with other people, don't keep thinking you wanna do indi, nothing is indi i'll tell u.. if anything can do individually, go fuck yourself and make a baby out of it la... dumb ass

whatever you say, is your right, but i'll tell you that i did nothing wrong, i'm not afraid to stand up and say whatever i like, if you have the guts to look through your wrongs and admit your wrongs, i'm glad, but if you're that blind to not see your mistakes, i'm so sorry for you...

if you're not satisfied with whatever i said, COME TALK TO ME FACE TO FACE and i'll slap you with all my rationale...

END OF STORY. PERIOD.


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 12.47am, 28th April 2010

i'm happy... NOT

things going on my mind :
presentation
assignment
it wasn't me...


if i'm telling you i'm ok, i'm not... this is what i call looking at the surface... OUR masterpiece, initially, CY's masterpiece, but when developed together, it became ours...

our video is a huge success, thanks to the crew and talents...

Crew
KM Cheah
CY Choon
AL Goh
JKW Lee
YC Leong
SLC Pang
JY Tan
V Vengiteson
SY Wong

Talents
EJ Sim
GSL Cheah
YJ Ng
KM Saw
MH Lee
RCS Kew
STS Yeoh
KW Lim
CL Yap
KJ Tan
SMK Boo
CK Mok
SN Tan

something terribly wrong happened yesterday during the celebration dinner.. it made my night all the worst... till the very next morning, today... i'm still not happy... but like dad said, i should learn how to be open, be forgiving, don't worry too much...

I have no idea what went into them yesterday.. after doing so much, i was being brushed off... after reserving seats i was being scolded, after calling and asking when they will be here so that we can prepare the pot for them i was being shut out... if you thought i was so frustrating, let me tell u that i was only CARING! wondering if you've caught in a jam or what or have you lost your way etc. if you think i was frustrating, i'll care less from now on, happy?! and i've already mentioned earlier that I've reserved 7pm... i went early coz' YOU told me if we don't go earlier and reach in time, our reservation would be canceled. i only said my table here are ALMOST full, because my talents ARE saying that they're almost full... Initially, KM and I don't fell like eating 1st since u all were still not here, but not wanting our talents to wait, we ask them to start 1st... what's with you all? I don't appreciated all these segregating everything... YOU THINK I WANTED IT TO BE LIKE THAT?! you think I'm not hurt by ALL YOUR WORDS.. you think my heart is cold and made of stone? i'm weak on the inside, no one knows what happened behind closed doors, no one notices that i feel like crap... no one cares for someone who's quiet izit?! or were u all so terribly having fun that you've forgot to look at the sidelines? or did i spoil your mood once i came in the door? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? TELL ME?!!!

i'll be my sad self until everything has subsided, this is jOyCe signing out at 9.47pm, 19th April 2010

what i think

things going on my mind :
ASSIGNMENTS!!!!


this friend that i used to treasure a lot, is giving a lot of troubles saying that I don't spend enough time with her and she feels left out and all, and clearly stated that she wants a break from my friend and I, and then she says she wanna go out with us etc. I was so confused that finally, on her birthday 20th march, i wrote to her in a card everything i felt.. and that was it... the end of what could've been a good friendship...

and this year, something similar happened again with another friend who claimed she's always the last friend that comes into consideration when it comes to grouping, in the end, she has to be the one left out and is afraid she wouldn't get into any good groups, some class politics happened and this time, it sorta involves the whole class, so in the end, we've sorta became enemies with part of the class..

they were like such show offs saying that people could learn more in their group and not ours etc. Heck, I have better grades than they do! this time, I'm gonna soar, i don't care if it takes my sleep...
I'd say, go fuck off, i don't need them to live, but seeing them everyday for the rest of my 1 and a half years, it sucks~!!

i dunno what i've written, but basically it's what i have to say.. :D

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 10.17pm(LIM EU RIANG!), 15th March 2010

hey, it's my first post for 2010, and it's gotta start on a sour note...

things going on my mind :
i feel cursed...

ADVANCE WARNING!!!
this post contains sad things that may/may not make you sour...

Alright, so 2010 is in for almost a month and i haven't felt the vibe to celebrate just yet...

why izit that everytime when we need more members for a group assignment, we HAVE to be the ones in the last group that almost no one wants to join? and then we have to be left with out casts AGAIN for EVERY FKING assignment that needs more than 5 ppl.. i hate this, i really do... where's MY attraction gone to? have I done anything that no one likes? i don't know, i'd be happier if the assignments needed only 5 members.. and because of this matter, it has cost us a friendship, that we didn't wanna end.. i guess i'd wanna end here.. i'm just not done being angry at her, but what's the use, what's done is done and logically, she wasn't wrong, but friendship wise, i have the right to despise her.. as taken from CY.. but then again, who isn't selfish in this challenging world? it's the survival of the fittest right? you have the right to choose some group that may give you marks, but who says we can't? hell, we may even be better... :P sometimes i really miss my Foundation babes... they make me feel safe..

this time around, there's like 6 damn subjects and I'm like gonna be so dead by the end of the semester and not to mention internship next sem that the advisor haven't briefed us yet.. I'm really looking forward to Red Comm...

saw a senior with his partner today.. OMG.. it was such a coincidence, funny things happened there, and then the possibility of me seeing them both together? nil% .. today was really classic.. :D

oh, and may i mention, my TVP1 lecturer, Mr. Luqman's wife unfortunately lost her life in an accident, i felt sympathy for him and his young daughter... i really do.. my deepest condolences to him and his family and friends.. *a moment of silence*






on a happier note :

Film Club has organised a very successful event, Tiger WooHoo's sharing session with Director Chiu, Jack Lim, Yoke and Bernard Hiew... the turnout was close to 260 students... safe to say that all the sweat put in was worth it.. Special thx to Edmond for giving us the opportunity and all the people who helped out in arranging the chairs etc and for supporting this event.. If you haven't watched it, do TRY to get a chance to watch it, it has raved good reviews from almost all movie-goers.. oh, and it's still hot selling in the cinemas, after it's first screening in 14th January 2010, with people complaining that there's no seats avail for booking or purchase.. and btw, it's the first malaysian made heartwarming CNY movie... guarantee u'll laugh until the end of the credits, i know i did.. :DDDD

tried Shisha after celebrating Ling's early 21st bday in Cipolla Bangsar..

bought a must have shoe in my list from Nose and i uber love it.. it's like front zip criss-cross heels and they're quite comfy

went to Prabha's 21st birthday celebration in Envie which i broke a glass, with my own head..

met with twins and Thivy before my Uni re-opened...

met with Ageetha, my 10 years long lost friend who's in BC Y2S1 after 2 yrs in TARC

also met with Joey from SMKB, joining Foundation leading to Corporate Comm...

ps : some part of this post got missing somehow, i tried typing whatever i remember... :\

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 9.27pm, 26th January 2010

things going on my mind :
my bajuuuuu....

urrgghhh... will always check clothes i buy from now on!!
just bought a lovely white button up shirt that's got a yellow blotch mark somewhere near the stomach... totally din notice and not exchangeable!! damn pissed now.. thx to WH!

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 6.47pm, 6th November 2009

the end of yet another experience-ful semester

things going on my mind :
*I don't want to, stay another minute,
I don't want you, to say a single word,
hush hush hush hush*
PCD-Hush Hush
exams, coffee, books
things i've learned this semester

well, in a nutshell, i've really learned a lot the past semester... here's what:

-how not to fully rely on some irresponsible people
-how to be a producer, and how to be a better one next time =)
-how to handle the secretary position (was previously a secretary in Skuad Pengawas Sukan in SMKB, tat really opened my eye in a lot of battle of the chairpersons, now I'm d secretary for Film Club, kinda expected and this time, things are more... formal... no shortcuts etc. )
-how to listen and keep things in (which nearly killed me!)
-how some people are destined for greatness
-how friendship become what they are...
-how rivalry doesn't last long
-how important are talents' confirmation
-how networking is very precious
-how some old friends are so helpful, even if it's been so long since u've seen each other
-how to keep quiet when people don't wanna listen to u speak
-how to be confident in a production
-how to think of a problem from another perspective
-how some people can't change their habits/mindsets/thinking
-how some people make me cringe having them sitting beside me
-how not to judge a book by its cover AGAIN!
-how important having your own car is
-how to be humble and ask everyone, and i must say, this is the most important lesson i've learned from Xandria's book, "Don't be afraid to ask, the worst answer you can get is a NO!" i must learn to replace the quote with the "what will people think of me?" quote in my head
-how people change when they are under stress (not the 1st time tho)
-how to accept the fact that you have such groupmates (ones that don't help, ones that sabo, ones that make others so afraid that no one else wants to join your group)
-how people will know your strengths and want to join your group
-how assignments are so much stress
-how some people are so choosy eventho they're not anyone great
-how not looking at each other doesn't mean anything
-how rivalry is dumb and childish
-how people think you're good when u're not chinese ed.
-how worrying about some1 else's happiness is of no use
-how i should learn from mistakes
-that i should not procrastinate (which i always fail)
-how a headache can cost you everything you've planned for 2 weeks/more
-how learning can turn to something else because you look at them so often

on another note outside UTAR life :
-how it feels when people leave you on a jet plane and only to come back in 2 years time
-how immune you feel towards people leaving when you've been to the airport so often you've forgotten how to cry...
-how watching movies alone is nice... =) dun worry, final destination is to be watched with friends
-how something small can make people cry (TV's farewell gift)
-how much friendship means to me, even if they're a few thousand miles away
-how i love rain, esp those morning ones... (that i NEVER get to sleep through)
-how retail therapy works on me!
-how i maxed out my mum's card

that's pretty much about it that i can' remember, i may remember some that i'll add later, that is if i remember.. =P


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 12.07am, 6th sePteMber 2009

on the verge of giving up

things going on my mind :
on the verge of giving up~
can we start all over again?

haiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............ i'm speechless... i wish that i dun have to see any of my group members for the video assignment anymore... i so feel like giving up... but i dun wanna retake this subject... i feel like screaming 'shut up' to everyone and take some time off, but time is the thing that i don't have... video shooting starts next week and the song is being changed... it's not even done yet! and the schedule... have yet to be confirmed.. and my life is so going down the drain... i feel very worried but at the same time i'm giving up, i'm so confused rite now.. don't just say it, do it and make sure it is as good as u say it is! u keep saying u'll find the singer, but Kah Mun was the one who found us not only 1 singer, but that 1 singer introduced another singer, i dunno if kah mun is the outsider or u are! i hate listening to ur voice... trying to show that u're good... i hate ur cold jokes, i hate ur so called 'sore-throat', i hate u more than the fact that i hate u being in our group... as if u're very needed in the group, don't forget that u were assigned to our group and not because we chose u, not because u were good, but because you had NO group and that we had NO CHOICE! i'd rather have chin chye than u in the 1st place! i wanna just stay away from u as far as possible, even the director dun wanna c u! i went out for 30 minutes to fetch the talents and u are playing with a damn electric guitar, that there were no progress to the song? u even spilt my drink in the lab 2 TIMES! ONE AFTER ANOTHER! what sort of person are u? to another person, WHERE ARE YOU ALL THE TIME? AT HOME WATCHING PORN THE WHOLE DAY THAT U'RE NOT EVEN FREE TO COME AND HELP OUT?! YOU ARE ANOTHER VERSION OF THE 1ST PERSON, BUT BETTER, BUT U STILL DISAPPOINT ME! all the time! i figure assignment is much more important than any other thing u're doing now that u're a student and the responsibility of a student is to do ur best in assignments and get high marks, if that isn't u, then u might came to the wrong group, because THAT'S OUR MISSION! i have a dean's list to worry about and all u can do is say and no do?! i'm seriously done with them once this sem is over! I NEED A BREAK! i miss my pigs! future sem's short film production will have better group members that are of more worth than u worthless humans! it's such a disgrace that have to have you as my group member, u burden me! i have to think on ur part, i have to assign u things, i have to do almost everything a producer has to do but u take all the marks in d end? to hell with that, i wish i dun have to worry so much but i have to, my goal is on the line! i'm so over u all after this assignment!

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 9.07 , 31st July 2009

stupid UTAR computers...

things going on my mind :
yay... finished my photoshop assignment
i like photoshop, now that i know how to use it..
errghh... MV aasignment and Dreamweaver and MTA...
i HATE UTAR's Computers.. always impregnate my pen-drives...

UTAR's computers has once again impregnated my pen-drive with viruses... 2 times in a day... i knew it would kena one way or another... juz only formatted my pendrive last friday.. :( dun care liao, we need to 'chap' it in tomoro oso, so no point formatting again... :D
anyways... i finished my photoshop assignment.. pai-seh to show out...
we've already spent 100+ on props & equips for the MV assignment, most expensive to date is the DV tapes.. 3 for RM50.. bought from Kar Wing, their group got extra coz' 2 ppl went n buy 2 times.. haha..
next few weeks gonna busy... luckily got a few lectures cancelled..
this saturday got moral mid-term...
i seriously need a new phone.. mine juz dropped hard on the floor today and the mic rosak d.. :( well, the phone is 7 yrs old...
it's time to update my best friends list... :D
today, Kelvin saw Belle and wanted to know her, ask her # from me.. me asked belle, after a few msgs, she said 'Okla'.. was supposed to go her place to get SS' things, but msged her, called her until my battery kong oso cannot get her... maybe go c kelvin d... hahaha.. juz kidding...
chi yee's stuck with her line again, need to get ppl's photoshop files so that she can burn but her line giving her problem.. and mind u d files are quite big to dl from internet and mine is surprisingly smaller by almost 30 times...
MV shooting is next week! some ppl are sacrificing their lecture, tutorial and mid-term to go shooting in sepang... wtf?
i need more time...
i need more money too...

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 10.o7pm , 28th July 2009

i'm so dead... for the sake of my assignment

things going on my mind :
dumb people and the way they do things IRRITATE ME!

i feel so upset now... despite the hardship i go through to try and finish recording the song.. some people juz dun seem to care!! especially, REEVE!!! i don't care if he read's my blog, in fact, i hope he reads it.. it's been 2 fucking weeks since that we've tried to find singers and record the song and he, being the only one who knows how to sing the song isn't able to perform EVERY SINGLE TIME WE NEED HIM! if u dun wan shawn to sing, den find some1 who can!! dun keep saying he's good or wat but not being able to get them to sing.. to say is easy, to do it is hard~! we're going to shoot beginning augst 1st and we've yet to finish the song and finalize things... i dunno la.. i'm very disappointed with the 3 guys in my group... they're incooperative and negative and pessimistic and not contributing enough... at the end of the day... me n chi yee have to go around doing everything... we even have to have other people to find us talents and we've found some1 to sing us the song but now because of reeve, we have to delay... after this time, i'm so over them!! no more i'll tell u, NO MORE! so many things to do, so little time!! i think my anger has subsided..


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 8.47pm , 27th jUly 2009

Language and what nots

things going on my mind :
back to BM again? our future students are sooo gonna suffer
ARRRR.... ASSIGNMENTS! i'm stuck until the end of teaching weeks...

the recent decision to switch back to Malay and other vernacular languages for the teaching of science and mathematics in 2012 has made me and my mum very angry at the education system... first things first, if it has already been in English, let it be... y bother changing it here and there, it's as if the children are guinea pigs of the government's researches... to me, i believe the mastering of the language is essential for the future of the children... now that i'm in a university, majority of the students can't speak well in English, they still prefer to communicate in their mother tongue... everything that we're using now, the books, references, journals are all in English and i find some have a hard time understanding basic words that i know, most of the time, it's the pronunciation and meanings, some have electronic dictionaries, like my friend from a Chinese independent school... so i think that teaching in English, is crucial in the building of out nation, so what if you give more emphasis on the english subject? didn't you emphasize on all subjects, why are students still failling? basically why i'm writing about this issue is because when the topic was still hot, i did research on it in an two assignments...

i suddenly feel like such a failure, of not doing things in time, esp. assignments and now that i'm the producer of the music video team, i feel that i will let down the team... coz' i'm such a procrastinator, the week of shooting will begin in the 1st week of august and we're still lacking on many things, talents esp., song is almost ready, special make-up artist, clothes, i'm so dead by the end of this semester...

Kosh is back and i have yet to find time to go out with her, this woman has been in Hawaii for the past year or so... she's only gonna be here for 2 weeks and the 2 weeks are the weeks i'm the most busy, mid sem d.. i'll find the time.. i WILL i promise...

my july 11 went quite blandly, nothing to remember besides the fact that it was the best day of my life 4/5 years ago...

kor bought me my phone dy.. but to get it, i must go down 13 kilos by the end of august...

i feel un-unique anymore, my name is so common now.... :(

in need of revamping my blog... i nearly lost all its formatting that day... need time again!!

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 10.37pm , 18th july 2009

venting out my current anger!

things going on my mind :
why was she so stubborn?!
did i evaluate correctly?
why can't i have friends like them?
why am i having headaches?
i'm so free i can finish my poems, but why can't i?
Return to Cuckoo's theme song by ChiLam Cheung


I'm really quite down these few days.. thinking 'how could i have had her as a friend since the beginning?' why couldn't i find back the friends I've had in foundation? there has been a mistake in our assignment and i've clearly pointed out to her but she was so adamant!! ARGH! i hope this feeling will fade, coz' i dun want this feeling to follow me for 3 years!! i have been very lazy since the beginning of the sem, not putting effort in the assignments and all, coz' she takes everything and does it by herself.. i don't have anything to do, and when i don't do anything, she says i'm not contributing enough! when i give her the things i need to do, she doesn't use it! waste of efforts getting the info and my pc fixed for nothing! sorry for the excessive use of exclamation marks, but i can't take it! i'm not one that expresses my feelings out like she does and its hurting myself.. i don't wan anyone to have a grudge against me or anything.. maybe and i hope it's not permanent, that this feeling is just one of my mood swings... my headache is not doing any good either... it's been here since wed.. i fear for the worst case scenarios.. with such good imagination.. it's no wonder i have such things going on my mind..

rite now.. mum's talking to bro on the phone.. bro have not been doing well lately.. don't know when he'll be stable and all... i HOPE he will in a years time or so.. and i HOPE i won't be like him in future...

i miss my old friends.. i miss thiv, darren n marv.. my 'metro sexual' bros.. haha.. yeah.. coz' i've just listened to my course mates presentation on metro sexual, and i do think they are.. ehehe.. :P no offense, metrosexualism is a good thing for the guys.. i prefer them that way, though not all the time..

i've been seeing some love birds' PDA's and i seriously can't picture myself doing that.. i just have too much testosterone in me.. and it's proven by blood test mind you... yes, i have more than average male hormones in me.. but let's not go any further or i'll freak you out...

i haven't been watching much dramas on TV, let alone online ones.. been sooo lazy to dl since my dumb chinese viewer rosak-ed.. hate it when i can't view chinese characters in my comp... planning to format my pc and adding in the chinese language pack and have to get ready to back up files, but not the viruses as well.. haha.. yes, i have viruses in my pc and am not proud of it.. all from the UTAR's pcs'.. but don't worry.. i'm very careful of what files i open.. :D esp. those where ppl send to u through msn and all... urgh.. hate those so much...

my heart's empty once again.. i hope.. i just can't forget how talented he is.. piano,violin, producing... ARRRRR!!!! with his ever-wide smile.. *sigh*. oh ya.. 1 year ago, i crushed on a lecture mate.. and was disappointed to find out that he was just only taken that time.. now he's broken up with her.. no happy feelings but felt a lil' disappointed.. they were so sweet together.. oh well, better not prolong the pain if they're not suitable.. that's another point i think of when getting together with someone.. it's most of the time, never forever.. maybe we're still too young to think of all these.. forever, marriage and all.. :(

just only finished my chinese oral test.. did quite well tho.. dunno the marks and all but it was ok.. ms. helen asked me to explain my personality as i am growing up and all and i told her i'm childish and ppl thinks i'm childish and all, but she said i'm very warm and i bring a lot of joy to ppl.. hehe.. so glad.. i hope i did..

anyways.. i sincerely wish everyone out there is not as unhappy as i am..

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 1o.57pm, 2ist aUgusT 2oo8

p.s: Beijing Olympics will end soon.. stay tuned for the closing ceremony on 24th of april.. i think it's going to be at 8 as well... the opening was spectacular.. the closing should be too.. :D