venting out my current anger!

things going on my mind :
why was she so stubborn?!
did i evaluate correctly?
why can't i have friends like them?
why am i having headaches?
i'm so free i can finish my poems, but why can't i?
Return to Cuckoo's theme song by ChiLam Cheung


I'm really quite down these few days.. thinking 'how could i have had her as a friend since the beginning?' why couldn't i find back the friends I've had in foundation? there has been a mistake in our assignment and i've clearly pointed out to her but she was so adamant!! ARGH! i hope this feeling will fade, coz' i dun want this feeling to follow me for 3 years!! i have been very lazy since the beginning of the sem, not putting effort in the assignments and all, coz' she takes everything and does it by herself.. i don't have anything to do, and when i don't do anything, she says i'm not contributing enough! when i give her the things i need to do, she doesn't use it! waste of efforts getting the info and my pc fixed for nothing! sorry for the excessive use of exclamation marks, but i can't take it! i'm not one that expresses my feelings out like she does and its hurting myself.. i don't wan anyone to have a grudge against me or anything.. maybe and i hope it's not permanent, that this feeling is just one of my mood swings... my headache is not doing any good either... it's been here since wed.. i fear for the worst case scenarios.. with such good imagination.. it's no wonder i have such things going on my mind..

rite now.. mum's talking to bro on the phone.. bro have not been doing well lately.. don't know when he'll be stable and all... i HOPE he will in a years time or so.. and i HOPE i won't be like him in future...

i miss my old friends.. i miss thiv, darren n marv.. my 'metro sexual' bros.. haha.. yeah.. coz' i've just listened to my course mates presentation on metro sexual, and i do think they are.. ehehe.. :P no offense, metrosexualism is a good thing for the guys.. i prefer them that way, though not all the time..

i've been seeing some love birds' PDA's and i seriously can't picture myself doing that.. i just have too much testosterone in me.. and it's proven by blood test mind you... yes, i have more than average male hormones in me.. but let's not go any further or i'll freak you out...

i haven't been watching much dramas on TV, let alone online ones.. been sooo lazy to dl since my dumb chinese viewer rosak-ed.. hate it when i can't view chinese characters in my comp... planning to format my pc and adding in the chinese language pack and have to get ready to back up files, but not the viruses as well.. haha.. yes, i have viruses in my pc and am not proud of it.. all from the UTAR's pcs'.. but don't worry.. i'm very careful of what files i open.. :D esp. those where ppl send to u through msn and all... urgh.. hate those so much...

my heart's empty once again.. i hope.. i just can't forget how talented he is.. piano,violin, producing... ARRRRR!!!! with his ever-wide smile.. *sigh*. oh ya.. 1 year ago, i crushed on a lecture mate.. and was disappointed to find out that he was just only taken that time.. now he's broken up with her.. no happy feelings but felt a lil' disappointed.. they were so sweet together.. oh well, better not prolong the pain if they're not suitable.. that's another point i think of when getting together with someone.. it's most of the time, never forever.. maybe we're still too young to think of all these.. forever, marriage and all.. :(

just only finished my chinese oral test.. did quite well tho.. dunno the marks and all but it was ok.. ms. helen asked me to explain my personality as i am growing up and all and i told her i'm childish and ppl thinks i'm childish and all, but she said i'm very warm and i bring a lot of joy to ppl.. hehe.. so glad.. i hope i did..

anyways.. i sincerely wish everyone out there is not as unhappy as i am..

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 1o.57pm, 2ist aUgusT 2oo8

p.s: Beijing Olympics will end soon.. stay tuned for the closing ceremony on 24th of april.. i think it's going to be at 8 as well... the opening was spectacular.. the closing should be too.. :D