the sky

things going on my mind :
next week's my last holiday
catching up is hard

I have to admit that I seriously need to exercise.. I've been growing, sideways..
OK FINE! i've become fatter... there, I've said it, but i must seriously start going swimming or the gym.. all this sitting at the PC is not helping the extra tyre or buoy around my waist!
Speaking of which, I've just bought 2 pairs of pants for office use.. just in case i need to go meet the clients.. the damage, RM238.. i dunno how to tell my mum.. :P
I went earlier than going later with the girls coz' i know I'll never find anything suitable for me in Times Square.. we're going on formal clothes hunting on Monday, them that is, i have enough already, at least enough for the 3 months, besides, no formal clothing necessary as mentioned by my supervior, unless meeting with clients...
I used to have a formal pants which was loose, brought it to my aunty to alter, later, worn once and couldn't fit in anymore now.. damn sad.. shall exercise and cut down.. wanna go Bright Prospect again.. hahaha.. honestly, my 2 and a half months there made me lose weight, basically coz' of the all day in heels thing, and up and down the stairs repeatedly esp. during salary posting times, made me lose the excess little by little, i wish my intern company could make me like that too.. though i'd hate it, but part of me yearns for it.. even the manager and staffs said that i've got slimmer, and relatives too.....
well anyway... been bored, so that explains the frequent updates.. and i know i've forgotten something long time due.. the OCT holidays post.. hehe.. my mind is rusting now, but i will try to finish it asap... and boy... have I yet to hand up all the documents for Film Club.. I'm so dead, even in my holidays.. won't know if i'll be able to come back for AGM.. *sigh* u know i love all these kind of things...

this morning, i said "the sky looks cute today" to my mum and it weeped.. i guess, the sky have not been hearing such words for a long time, people just don't take their time look at them anymore... everyone's so busy..

when i said that, my mum went like "which guy?!!" i repeated what i said and we LOAO(Laughed OUR Asses Off)..

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 5.27pm, 21st May 2010

爱

爱， 是很难解释的事情。。。
我们无法承认其实爱给了我们许多的快乐和悲伤。
但， 其实没有了爱我们就稍了很多很多的经验。

如果没有爱， 我们如何会存在在这个世界里那?
没有爱， 我们又如何感觉到被爱和为爱受伤害的感觉那?
没有了爱，　世界又怎么能平安那?

爱， 是有得解释的吗?
每个人都有他们自己的方式来解释爱。

有的人问我，　"你为何会爱上他那?"
我该怎么回应他们那?　
我真的不知道怎么回答他们。
应为爱一个人是没有的解释的吗?　爱就爱吗?　
或者是人不会解释那?

哪一种爱是最痛苦的那?
对我来说，　该是暗恋吧。
默默的爱直他，守候直他，但又不可以陪直他一起开心，欢笑，和伤心。
一直以来我都是这样的过日子，　
只能在那遥远的地方看这他和别的女身一起甜甜密密的。
我真的受不了这种感觉，就像一千枝针在心里。
很痛恨痛的扎在握新里。　

你可以怪我吗?
每个心都有他自己的自由来选着他自己想爱得人。
我不能怪我自己爱错了人。　
只能当这是个经验和教训。

我从来没想过，我会这样做，
从来没爱过，　所以爱错。

我想要的我缺不能得到。
我不要的，缺一直来。

伤心的痕，
我缺一直用微笑来取代。
彪面很开心，但其实心里受的痛苦没有人知道，
只能默默的，躲起来在一个角落自己哭。

李家纬的创作

ps: with a little help of NJStar, btw, this is a poem/essay/whatever u like to call it, if u understand... if u don't it's my thoughts towards "Love"

Medley

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

I have myself to blame
For the state I'm in today

You got what you deserved
Hope you're happy now
'Cause everytime I think of her with you
It's killing me
Inside, and
Now I dread each day
Knowing that I can't be saved
From the loneliness

I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew

What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?
What do you say when everything's said?
Is the reason why he left you in the end?
How do you cry when every tear you shed
Won't ever bring him back again?
I hate myself for loving you

Heart Breaking

How can I compare you to how he treats me?
He whom I’ve always treated as a friend,
Treats me the same way,
But do you?

I’ve been thinking,
Was it me that annoyed you?
Or was it you who disliked me?
All I’ve wanted was just to be your friend,
A simple friendship wouldn’t hurt, would it?

You might think that I don’t look,
But deep inside, I want to,
I’m just afraid to know the ending,
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

Every time I see you,
I feel like shouting your name,
But the words don’t seem to come out.

Sometimes, you just make me mad,
Mad enough to hate someone,
How could this happen to me?
I’ve make my mistake,
Now, I’m crying about it every time
When I think about it.

I wouldn’t ask,
Because I’m afraid to know the answer,
Are you too popular? Or are you too shy to be my friend?

It hurts to see you with another girl,
It hurts to know that I can only talk to you formally,
It hurts that I can only see you wave goodbye to your friends except me,
It hurts not to be your friend,
It hurts that you don’t reply my messages.

It hurts to see you hurt but not knowing why,
It hurts to see you sad but not knowing the reason,
It hurts to see you happy but not being able to share it with me,
It hurts so much to love you the way I do,
And then look at you and realize how much you don’t care,
I regret not taking the chances to talk to you,
Yet I deny about the possibilities of you being friendly with me.

I was the one who started our friendship,
But yet I was the one losing it all,
I want to give up, but I can’t.

I’m still wondering, are we still friends?
I want to care for you,
I want to talk to you,
I want you to share your problems with me,
I want you to show me the tears you never shed.

I’ll let you go, when the time comes,
As long as you are happy,
All’s left is just a broken heart.


SpEcIaLlY wRiTtEn bY,

-jOyCe-

p.S... i wRoTe iT mYsElF...