Saturday, June 06, 2009
















爱, 是很难解释的事情。。。
我们无法承认其实爱给了我们许多的快乐和悲伤。
但, 其实没有了爱我们就稍了很多很多的经验。

如果没有爱, 我们如何会存在在这个世界里那?
没有爱, 我们又如何感觉到被爱和为爱受伤害的感觉那?
没有了爱, 世界又怎么能平安那?

爱, 是有得解释的吗?
每个人都有他们自己的方式来解释爱。

有的人问我, "你为何会爱上他那?"
我该怎么回应他们那? 
我真的不知道怎么回答他们。
应为爱一个人是没有的解释的吗? 爱就爱吗? 
或者是人不会解释那?

哪一种爱是最痛苦的那?
对我来说, 该是暗恋吧。
默默的爱直他,守候直他,但又不可以陪直他一起开心,欢笑,和伤心。
一直以来我都是这样的过日子, 
只能在那遥远的地方看这他和别的女身一起甜甜密密的。
我真的受不了这种感觉,就像一千枝针在心里。
很痛恨痛的扎在握新里。 

你可以怪我吗?
每个心都有他自己的自由来选着他自己想爱得人。
我不能怪我自己爱错了人。 
只能当这是个经验和教训。

我从来没想过,我会这样做,
从来没爱过, 所以爱错。

我想要的我缺不能得到。
我不要的,缺一直来。

伤心的痕,
我缺一直用微笑来取代。
彪面很开心,但其实心里受的痛苦没有人知道,
只能默默的,躲起来在一个角落自己哭。

李家纬的创作

ps: with a little help of NJStar, btw, this is a poem/essay/whatever u like to call it, if u understand... if u don't it's my thoughts towards "Love"


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Lost


things going on my mind :
assignments
i feel empty today...

over the past week, i've been feeling damn empty, like there's a big hole in my stomach and all... i dunno, perhaps the feeling is because of something and someone... i don't even know what to write and what to think of... looking at pics posted by Erisha on Facebook, i suddenly see some1 else.. someone who looks like me but is totally someone else.. I've been feeling so clueless ever since thingts have changed, I'm so uncertain about so many things... plus the fact that i'm always indecisive... i feel, lost... the after effect of everything is pressing on my now and i feel it.. I want to talk, but talk's useless as things have already gone so deep... i feel that nothing can change the fact of everything that has happened... i should be living my life like I always wanted.. and I am, sorta... i wish the song I posted earlier could remind me to forget things...
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone...

anyways... a little update from the past half a month +... so I've got my new timetable, sucks a bit, but i can live with that considering all of my friends were jealous of it.. my classes are until 1.30 the most on mondays, weds, and thursdays, its only tuesday that's until 6 bcoz' of the Moral subject, and TGIF, i'm free on Fridays... so basically until thursday afternoon, ppl from outstation can go back d.. imagine Ling Hui from Kampar has to go to classes on Saturdays for her Japanese lessons from 3-6... but anyways... besides loving my timetable, I also love the results that came out like 2 weeks back... it was lovely to still be in the dean's list.. despite the slip, I still managed to get 3.71, a slight fall from 3.825, but I can live with it.. as long as my Dean's List can be maintained, i'm alright, I believe if I paid more attention to studying... i could've maintained my results, but as a student of my age, I live life to the fullest, at least I hope.. haha... however, I have a feeling this sem i'm so going to flunk my grades... I have 5 subjects, Moral which i HATE, Mass Comm Theory which sounds and looks super hard based on past experiences explained by seniors, Advertising Copywriting which I'd think sound easy but assignments are tough, Multimedia Tools For Advertising which is basically graphic designing with Illustrator, Photoshop n Dreamweaver which would've been fun if it were not in this sem coz of the workload from the next subject, Broadcasting 2 which i love the lecturer, Mr. Beh(based on past experiences of helping him) but the assignment is damn demanding, it's all about ideas, pitching(Music Video pitching i mean), production, co-operation and a hell lot of outdoor shooting! which is fun if it's not an assignment... hell i have a lot of things to do.. i feel so dead at the end of the semester, no more going out so much now i guess.. we've made a promise to NOT PROCRASTINATE this time... and now that i'm in Year 2... we have 9/10 more new classmates from KTAR... one of them my ex-secondary classmate Seow Yin which now we have 2 and a half tutorial groups... i was surprised to not see Ageetha here coz' it used to be our promise to meet each other here in Y2... i feel so old and that time flies so fast that we're in Y2 now... but then again, i haven' seen any of the Y1S1 juniors yet.. at least i think... damn there are a lot of handsome guys juniors in Y1S1 Graphic Design course.. talking about GD, my friends in GD Y2S1 won some sort of drawing competition that got them first prize of RM8000, impressive and this time no joke.. hahaha... so anyways, kudos to them..

went for Adrian's birthday dinner @ Chilli's in Bagsar Shopping Center (BSC) on the last day of my holidays on 31st of May and boy we had a nite... supposed to be @ 7pm, so me being the me I am went early there in case of parking issues, i went a few rounds until i had a spot right in front of the parking entrance... thought it;d be great since I'm gonna be late home at nite... so went to the toilet to freshen-up myself den waited for him while i walked around, den waited for Darren n the girls, i was thinking of wearing the dress i wore for presentation, the high waist grey and black short dress, but thought there wasn't anything big so i wore a grey short casual dress which I bought during an outting with Thiv @ Forever 21, 1U... in the end, when they arrived, i feel a slight bit under-dressed.. haha... they were dressed up so nicely complete with make up, heels and all luckily i wore my heels as well... not having much time, i couldn't bother making up, or did i? I dun remember if i had put on make up that day, i don't think so.. only lippie.. so can you imagine how not prepared i was.. moreover, with the time-constrain, i was only able to put on lippie.. anyways... we had fun eating, I had monterey chicken which the mashed potatoes were awesome, and C and Darren's honey chicken chipotle was nice as well, den most of us had bottomless drinks and I had an extra some sort of mild alcoholic drink and treated the birthday boy to a presidente margarita which was pure alcohol and tasted nice... at least more alcoholic that mine... C ordered an extra dessert, Molten Lava, which was oh-so-yummy....... met with Adrian's friends, John Ling, Jon Ti and John Chong, and Xing(which was totally cute*blush* but taken), den we went to Bangkung, a park in Bangsar where they had a drunken session... hahaha... kinda, Adrian was like talking non-sense sort of mood and John Chong brought Tigers, Hoegaarden and Absolut Kurant, which smelt lovely but tasted like.. alcohol... hahaha... went home around 11 + coz Adrian has got a curfew, hahaha.. no.. coz' his mum is at home, alone... so he has to go back and accompany her.... the next day, i practically had no hangover but i wish i had coz' classes were @ 8... haha...

celebrated Rick's Birthday @ Shogun 1U coz' of their promotion thingy, filled myself until I was so done.. we sat there from 6 to 10.30pm, practically until the restaurant closed... the amount of food there has gone up a lot.. the last time i went there there was any additional soup and thai delights sort of things... i have no problems going there again, but not this time.. Ling Hui came back and skipped her classes to celebrate.. so on Thursday, after my and Xin Leng's class, we went to watch Monster VS Aliens which was awesome.. so funny!!! den we went walking around until about 6 den we took our que number and waited for around 10 mins for them to open and let us in.. it was so funny coz' the guys were late(can u imagine?) so 3 of us were sitting at a 12 persons table.. slowly the guys came and after a while more, Chun Hwa came with Jasmine and Li Xiang... in the middle, my GD friends took pix with their DSLR cam, me holdingan un-pro cam, went arounf camwhoring with my cam n them helping me take some... after eating till they closed, we went back to the guys' new home and ate cake.... den I sent myself home with Rick and Ling Hui in the car and she drove back to Section 17 to Rick's place and home later... today, Friday, I washed my baby and Ling Hui's car as well and den went up to my place to wached up and den picked up Rick to watch Nite @ the Museum for the second time... first was with CY... it was a funny show and i liked it and said "I don't mind watching for second time", and i really went for a second time... it was supposed to be lunch @ McD which turned into a shopping but then it became a movie date... hahaha.. wanted to go McD for lunch so i suggested 1U, parking and air-con wise... den we were like "let's go shopping" but Ling Hui was broke so i was like, "Movie?" and den she was like "OK!"... so LingHui bought tix and me n Rick went to McD to order food and all 1st... we were kinda rushing for the 2pm show.. so we had like less than 30 mins to eat, but we save a bit on drinks coz' we refilled at McD and tapau-ed into the cinema... den after the movie, we walked a bit and I bought a shoe on 50% in Nose and boy, I have yet to find a time to wear it... blue pointed toe with blingy-high-heels heels... damn nice and cheap i must say... den we went home coz' Ling Hui needed to clean her hamsters' cage... she was having a problem with her bf and i hope the best out of it... i sometimes feel jinxed coz' when i think that they(any couple that consists of friends I know) will NOT last, they'll last, until i think that they'll get married in the future, they'll break up, right when i think they'll last... this has happened more than once and i feel damn jinxed, but like what mum say, i can't control all these things... so do fret... :D anyways, Ling Hui said she won't be coming back anytime soon coz' of her saturday classes.. i'll miss her... and SeeSing is skipping a lot of classes...

anyways... on the last wednesday before my classes started, i went to collect my NOR(results slip) and went to 1U with CY... watched Nite @ the museum as said den went for lunch at... ermmm... where did we eat??? Little Taiwan.. so guess it wasn't much of a nice place that i can remember of... den we walked around until around late 4 o'clock, we bought pretzels and sat down for our tea-time, den instead of CY taking the public transport, i drove her home and went to my dad's on the way after sending CY to show him my results... had dinner there and went back home to pick my mum... :D

ps: i'm supposed to compose an english song... but i have yet to find the inspiration :D

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 12.17am, 6th June 2009

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Friday, June 05, 2009

The old me is dead and gone... i hope...


things going on my mind :
the amount of assignments is scaring me!!

the song that I currently relate myself to...



"Dead And Gone"
(feat. Justin Timberlake)

[Spoken - T.I.]
Ay
Let me kick it to you right quick, man
That on some gangsta shit man, on some real shit
Anybody done been through the same thing, I'm sure you feel the same way
Big Phil
This for you pimpin'

[Chorus (Justin Timberlake (T.I.)):]
Oh (eyyy)
I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone
And oh (eyyy)
I've been travellin' on this road too long (too long)
Just tryna find my way back home (back home)
The old me is dead and gone, dead and gone, dead and gone

[Verse 1 - T.I.]
Ever had one of them days wish would've stayed home
Run into a group of niggas who gettin' they hate on
You walk by
They get wrong
You reply then shit get blown
Way outta proportion
Way past discussion
Just you against them, pick one then rush 'em
Figure you'll get jumped, hell that's nothing
They don't wanna stop there now they bussin'
Now you gushin', ambulance rushin'
You to the hospital with a bad concussion
Plus ya hit 4 times
Plus it hit ya spine
Paralyzed waist down now ya wheel chair bound
Nevermind that now you lucky to be alive
Just think it all started you fussin' with 3 guys
Now ya pride in the way, but ya pride is the way
You could fuck around, get shot, die anyday
Niggas die everyday
All over bull shit, dope money, dice game, ordinary hood shit
Could this be 'cos of hip hop music?
Or did the ones with the good sense not use it?
Usually niggas don't know what to do when their back against the wall so they just start shootin'
For red or for blue or for blo I guess
From Bankhead or from your projects
No more stress, now I'm straight, now I get it, now I take
Time to think, before I make mistakes just for my family's sake
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away

[Chorus (Justin Timberlake (T.I.))]

[Verse 2 - T.I.]
I ain't never been scared, I lived through tragedy
Situation could've been dead lookin' back at it
Most of that shit didn't even have to happen
But you don't think about it when you out there trappin'
In apartments, hangin', smokin', and rappin'
Niggas start shit, next thing ya know we cappin'
Get locked up then didn't even get mad
Now think about damn what a life I had
Most of that shit, look back, just laugh
Some shit still look back get sad
Maybe my homboy still be around
Had I not hit the nigga in the mouth that time
I won that fight
I lost that war
I can still see my nigga walkin' out that door
Who'da thought I'd never see Philant no more?
Got enough dead homies I don't want no more
Cost a nigga his job
Cost me more
I'd took that ass-whooping now for sure
Now think before I risk my life
Take them chances to get my stripe
A nigga put his hands on me alright
Otherwise stand there talk shit all night
'Cos I hit you, you sue me,
I shoot you, get locked up, who me?
No more stress, now I'm straight, now I get it, now I take
Time to think, before I make mistakes just for my family's sake
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away

[Chorus (Justin Timberlake (T.I.))]

[Hook - Justin Timberlake]
I turn my head to the East
I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the West
Still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the North
Swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me is dead and gone
But that new me will be alright

I turn my head to the East
I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the West
Still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the North
Swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me is dead and gone
But that new me will be alright

[Chorus (Justin Timberlake (T.I.))]
lyrics credited to AZLyrics.com


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 12.37pm, 5th June 2009

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