venting out my current anger!

things going on my mind :
why was she so stubborn?!
did i evaluate correctly?
why can't i have friends like them?
why am i having headaches?
i'm so free i can finish my poems, but why can't i?
Return to Cuckoo's theme song by ChiLam Cheung


I'm really quite down these few days.. thinking 'how could i have had her as a friend since the beginning?' why couldn't i find back the friends I've had in foundation? there has been a mistake in our assignment and i've clearly pointed out to her but she was so adamant!! ARGH! i hope this feeling will fade, coz' i dun want this feeling to follow me for 3 years!! i have been very lazy since the beginning of the sem, not putting effort in the assignments and all, coz' she takes everything and does it by herself.. i don't have anything to do, and when i don't do anything, she says i'm not contributing enough! when i give her the things i need to do, she doesn't use it! waste of efforts getting the info and my pc fixed for nothing! sorry for the excessive use of exclamation marks, but i can't take it! i'm not one that expresses my feelings out like she does and its hurting myself.. i don't wan anyone to have a grudge against me or anything.. maybe and i hope it's not permanent, that this feeling is just one of my mood swings... my headache is not doing any good either... it's been here since wed.. i fear for the worst case scenarios.. with such good imagination.. it's no wonder i have such things going on my mind..

rite now.. mum's talking to bro on the phone.. bro have not been doing well lately.. don't know when he'll be stable and all... i HOPE he will in a years time or so.. and i HOPE i won't be like him in future...

i miss my old friends.. i miss thiv, darren n marv.. my 'metro sexual' bros.. haha.. yeah.. coz' i've just listened to my course mates presentation on metro sexual, and i do think they are.. ehehe.. :P no offense, metrosexualism is a good thing for the guys.. i prefer them that way, though not all the time..

i've been seeing some love birds' PDA's and i seriously can't picture myself doing that.. i just have too much testosterone in me.. and it's proven by blood test mind you... yes, i have more than average male hormones in me.. but let's not go any further or i'll freak you out...

i haven't been watching much dramas on TV, let alone online ones.. been sooo lazy to dl since my dumb chinese viewer rosak-ed.. hate it when i can't view chinese characters in my comp... planning to format my pc and adding in the chinese language pack and have to get ready to back up files, but not the viruses as well.. haha.. yes, i have viruses in my pc and am not proud of it.. all from the UTAR's pcs'.. but don't worry.. i'm very careful of what files i open.. :D esp. those where ppl send to u through msn and all... urgh.. hate those so much...

my heart's empty once again.. i hope.. i just can't forget how talented he is.. piano,violin, producing... ARRRRR!!!! with his ever-wide smile.. *sigh*. oh ya.. 1 year ago, i crushed on a lecture mate.. and was disappointed to find out that he was just only taken that time.. now he's broken up with her.. no happy feelings but felt a lil' disappointed.. they were so sweet together.. oh well, better not prolong the pain if they're not suitable.. that's another point i think of when getting together with someone.. it's most of the time, never forever.. maybe we're still too young to think of all these.. forever, marriage and all.. :(

just only finished my chinese oral test.. did quite well tho.. dunno the marks and all but it was ok.. ms. helen asked me to explain my personality as i am growing up and all and i told her i'm childish and ppl thinks i'm childish and all, but she said i'm very warm and i bring a lot of joy to ppl.. hehe.. so glad.. i hope i did..

anyways.. i sincerely wish everyone out there is not as unhappy as i am..

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 1o.57pm, 2ist aUgusT 2oo8

p.s: Beijing Olympics will end soon.. stay tuned for the closing ceremony on 24th of april.. i think it's going to be at 8 as well... the opening was spectacular.. the closing should be too.. :D

of heels and blog's new title...

things going on my mind :
what to wear for PM presentation?
how am I going to present in Malay?(I stutter!)
when can i watch SATC?
when can i finish my 'How To Walk In High Heels'
and get my hands on 'A Girl for All Seasons'?
STILL NOT DONE WITH MY POEM!



lately, it's been somewhat boring.. last week din have classes for Thurs and Fri... so that makes it a 4-day rest... WRONG! i dun really think I've had the rest I've wanted these days.. my biological clock is somewhat wrong.. either i get sleepy way b4 my usual 11 pm bedtime... or I sleep late afternoon and stay p past my usual bedtime... all i want is a day of rest with nothing in my mind, in a cold-room with Bergamot burning... ahh... that day WILL come... i hope..

As mentioned, supposed to meet Danielle at her casa , so i did, it was friday.. had to send my mum to KL on thursday.. so i went to her place at 12.. met shen lin, her sis, danielle has always said that her sis and mum remembers me the most.. coz' I'm cute.. haha.. :D she had her lunch... we chatted for a while.. den we went up to her simple,cool but cozy room.. i love her room coz' it's so much like a typical teenager's dorm room.. with a small cupboard with super lots of posters and little notes that she loves, a mini TV,a study table with computer.. a single bed and still lots of place to walk.. and did i mention that it has an aircon? surprisingly to say, my room, in fact, my place here, has no aircon.. aircon's bad for the skin.. plus with electricity bills burning our ass.. it a good thing that there's no aircons.. who's laughing now? anyways.. mum did wanna install one for my room since i complained.. but the contractor said it'd be too messy and they'd have to drill a lotta holes.. so i decided not to have my room messy.. as long as i can live here, i dun mind.. :D

anyways.. back to the point.. so we chatted and chatted and chatted like we've never met for ages.. well, we did, not meet for ages.. we're so ignorant nowadays that we ignore the fact that our friends would still be there when we WANT to meet them, that we seldom keep in touch nowadays.. i'm dissapointed with myself about that fact.. guilty as charged.. i miss thiv!! and ze twins.. :( thinking back of the times when we went to Langkawi together was amazing! memorable and worth cherishing.. so wish we could go back to the times when we were so naive and hatred-free..

then we went to Carrefour coz' danielle asked to go somewhere.. after the piano and some videos.. we went there to do some of my shopping.. household items that is.. i'd never be caught dead in a super mart 'shopping' for things i'd wear! haha.. unless it's comfy and it fits or rather i'd fit... :P

and why was 2 days' classes cancelled? miss mai, BC lect + tutor went to a seminar in U_M.. forgot the middle alphabet.. so that explains Thursday's only class cancellation and friday's early class cancellation.. moreover, the lazy IMC lect finished her syllabus for the week and we specifically erquested for the day off so that we didn't need to attend her 1 class on friday... some ppl travel VERY far to just come for the classes.. and moreover, many had to go home to get their parents' signature for the PTPTN loan thingy.. so yea.. that explains the request also.. she also cancelled tomoro's class.. so there'd be a 3 hour break in d middle.. dunno what i'm gonna do.. miss morning's CE class or go back during the 3 hour break to change baju for PM at 3.30 or stay there and finish up my chinese exercises that needs to be passed up on wed.. have tonnes and tonnes of em' not touch.. as usual the lazy, over-confident me.. :P

i guess that's pretty much it for the past few weeks... i love my heels and though they hurt.. is till love them.. my very first heels 3 inches high.. and i have lots of other heights but this one's lovely.. will post a pic about it when i get my camera on it.. btw.. changing my blog's title to 'The Shoe Addicts Closet.. hope i can then post lots of picture of my passion.. shoes and dresses and clothes.. :D wish me luck... i've been wanting to change to wordpress.. but i've adapted myself to blogger and it's hard to leave somethings behind and start over...

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at o9.17 p.m. , 11th August 2o08

p.s: just in case i don't post anything soon.. there'd be a lunar eclipse on 17 Aug morning.. between 2 something.. to 6.30+ be sure to catch it.. :D

a day of feeling appreciated

things going on my mind :
will I ever find love?
when will I finish my poemS?
what shall I wear for CE presentation?
what should I do with the 2 anvils tomorrow?



recently met danielle, a long time friend since std 1... so much memories going on together in our minds... i was very touched and glad to hear her say "you're my best friend forever" and "i love you forever"... I felt very appreciated.. I doubt I've ever heard anyone say that... truthfully, that is... she may have been a ***** sometimes.. but hey who doesn't? going to meet her at her casa maybe thurs/fri..

fun sent me a msg today.. he said so long never seen me.. etc. felt a little bit wanted.. haha.. felt that some ppl actually appreciated my presence.. suddenly, today is all about ppl appreciating me! hehe.. brings my mind off of those who don't appreciate me.. so happy today..

haven't met thiv in ages since our last lunch at spicy after carnival, 1 month was it? or 2? see.. that's my point, i don't even remember when we'd last met.. damn my brain.. need to increase virtual memory... delete old stuffs and i mean.. seriously OLD stuffs... and hurtful things of course... but its hard.. having assignments and presentations to memorize..

i do love presentations but i don't like it when it's not my forte... when i presented "Fashion" that was the only topic I find that relates to me so far.. did a wonderful performance and gotten great compliments.. though i must say, i was the 2nd best at presenting.. not to brag a lot about myself but now.. i feel intimidated by my new classmates... there's almost 3-4 better speakers than me.. part of them is jean... one of the anvils.. she makes her point so clearly that you dare not say no.. and she makes a superb motivational speaker.. i was very touched by her mini-presentation the other day and it really opened up my mind...

since joining degree.. i have not found my inspiration yet to study... its as if i'm taking a honeymoon... I hate this.. i wish to get good grades.. but i just can't seem to find any inspiration.. no motivation at all.. at least in foundation, i anticipate to come to class.. but in this class.. i just can't seem to find such anticipation... *sigh* is it coz' of ppl i don't like seeing? or ppl that don't attract me to class? or izit ppl that i've seen one too many times? or the class is just toooo small? there's 2 and a quarter tutorial classes now.. compared to 4 tutorials last time.. the only time i like coming to class is for BC(Broadcasting with Ms. Mai), CE (Communicative English with Dr. Carmen) and ICL(Intro to Chinese Language with Ms. Helen) the two other classes are boring shits.. IMC(intro to Mass Comm) the lecturer teaches like she's teaching some kindergarten kids and her english is so sucky.. pardon me if anyone that likes her reads this.. but i hate it when lecturer's english are not up to par.... and also PM(Pengajian Malaysia) which everyone loves to hate.. it's basically history.. ONCE AGAIN! moreover.. i hate tuesdays.. the damn timetable is like from 9.30-6.30... damn 'so heng'(potong steam in a way) coz' i can't eat damn KFC's Happy Tuesday! hahaha... nola.. it's just that the classes are purely long and boring... one more thing that doesn't encourage me to classes is that the guys in my classes are.. um... how should i put it????? not attractive? yea.. basically just that.. and ppl told me that broadcasting has a lot of handsomes and pretties.. blugh.. bull shit.. but i don't deny that we've got much handsomer seniors.. haha.. and they definitely have much more students than our class... I soooo miss my TB8!!!!!! we had joy(ce) we had 'fun' we had ricku in the class.. haha.. ricku wasn't supposed to be in there.. season was supposed to be there.. but season is from another TB.. ok ok.. i guess that's a lil' bit too much information for ppl not from UTAR.. haha.. nvm.. i think I'm out of things to say d...



until I find more words to type.. this is jOyCe signing out at o9.37 pM , 4th August 2008

a little update of my words

Been a week since my last update, don't worry, this won't be another video entry... life's been ok to me.. but love is being so cruel... what i can say is, I'm on another poem, have not finished it.. contemplating whether to write my heart's feelings or the fantasy one... so basically, now i have 2 versions of this thing...

As for now, after the mid-terms, i'm not thinking about the results, that's what I always do... I just take things too easily.. what can I do? I'm somewhat a carefree person... yea yea, mum always nags, but i'm good at closing my ears.. I'm sooo missing my foundation friends LH,SS n XL... that day, we went for a dinner at murni, me, lh n her bubu... had so much laughs talking about our life's for the past month or so.. planning to go up there for a visit if i EVER have the transport to do so...

3 AnVils are getting closer n closer by the day... with frequent plans and random outings, its no wonder were now the 3 AnVils and with no one else... hope this will last till the end of our lives... and now with the deduction of gossips since some people said they're not together.. we're just so boring... and about my bullet that losts its head... went to BTS to find it, but it looks totally different and it was 1 time more XC(btw, XC is an online abbreviation for expensive) than the original... so i thought, so what, make it a different one, jean's clear, chi yee's blurr, i'm head less?? hahaha.. what a joke...

our group may be small but in terms of close friends, the smaller the better, the more gossips on more ppl and the less of 'other' ppl's feelings we have to think about... this was a true experience, in foundation, we had 2 groups, you'd know if you've read my old blog, so mine was 4 girls and 5 guys... the other was 8 girls? dun really remember... so the other group had 2 sub-groups and later, one of the girls had a fight with another, then started the 'dun wan 2 friend you' drama, you know, them one where one doesn't mix with her, the whole group doesn't mix with her? yea, so basically that's how i've learnt that a small group is better than a big one.. but then again, jean's worrying that no one's coming to us as in woo-ing of some sort.. r they too intimidated by us? or are we not up to their standard?

well, ms. helen, my chinese lecturer has told us to find a bf while we're still studying because when you go out to work, all you think of is only money... so the relationship there is not genuine... i dunno if i'll ever find one with such a money-mind like me.. :P, saw a porche on the jam to klcc, my mind was already screaming "the guy in the car, MARRY ME!!!" though i did scream that out... :P

i dunno... i think i'm somewhat a girl version of a typical car-loving guy, i love fast cars, and hope to drive one.. and also I sayang my(somewhat) car like how a usual guy would love their 'wife'...

anyways.. if you haven't already figured it out.. i'm having a crush(again!) on a senior, no further details to that coz' he'll be so recognizable if i put out any other details, can you imagine how unique he is then? well.. as always, the early bird gets the worm, he's taken d.. and that was the sad part... anyways... no handsomes in my class.. lots of pretties though...

Anyways, I have no idea what to talk about d.. will post when I'm in a crazy mood..

*update*

went for a talk today conducted by Kasih Hospice in Sin Chew Jit Poh... it was an amazingly rewarding session... firstly they briefed each other about their activities for the past month, exchanging experiences and opinions on seminars and talks they went to, then the 2nd part was the what i anticipated for today.. it was a talk on animal assisted therapy, not only for the disabled and elderly, but also for people who are depressed etc. there were ppl from Pet Positive where the organization focuses on animal therapy for disabled and elderly... and mr. Anthony, one of the ppl who share with us his experiences being on a wheelchair for 37 years, dogs have made his life more meaningful and easier.. he was also recently the council of MBPJ and frequent writer in theStar... the experiences he share with us and how he showed us how Su(the golden retriever service dog) in trained to help him with his disabilities and he also told us how selfish ppl are at not making places disabled friendly... it was a wonderful day for me.. I've seen a lot of things somewhat differently now.. and I'm planning to adopt a cat.. a baby kitten.. :D still planning as there's a lot to think about.. i just hope they will not jump out of the balcony...

*updated at o8.57 pM, the same day...

until then, this is jOyCe signing out at i2.27 pM, 2nd aUgUst 2008