it was that obvious!

things going on my mind :
he knows
it's always like this
hope everything will be alright when I come back from HK


and so the story begins that I like this guy who's already got a gf(they always do) and that I can't forgive myself for the things I did to make it obvious and made everything else fucked up!

it has always been this way, I like someone, get too close and they back off when they notice.
I hate the fact that I did this, that my hands/self did this to myself.

I admit that I do like him, but not to the extend that I want him to break-off with his gf, just that I just want him to treat me as a good friend, one that he can confide to, no that I want a relationship out of it!

I do admit that I made it too obvious and i deserve part of what he's doing, but please don't avoid me.

I'm writing this so that I can forget about it, go to HK and come back fresh, and start back all over again.

These few days haven't been good to me. I need some off time.

Just found out that I won't be getting bonus this year coz' it's only for confirmed staff. and that i'll be sitting in front of Lina's office in the new office. DIE! no more FB-ing! XP

and just found out that he knows since a long time ago, even before I had feelings for him and that I was a too obvious.... that I admit, like I said.

damn, now I can't forgive myself for all these things. I wish I hadn't done it. but in fact, I always wish I hadn't done it.

I'm hoping to leave in a clear state of mind and come back fresh so that I can put things behind me. I will eventually stop smoking somehow. I just need to stop! I'm not addicted but I have the urge to.. I promise I will stop, for I cannot forgive myself for even starting.

btw, I'm going to Hong Kong. for the first time in my life, I'm finally going overseas...

for now, I just wish everything will go back to normal, when I wasn't "the one", when I wasn't treated differently, just back to normal friends...

he's already being a good gentleman by not cutting off ties...

I'm just giving it time to really get outta my mind so that I don't go too deep...

I wish, I wish things would go back to normal! pls pls pls...

Sometimes, when you ask for something too much, they would just gt tired of giving in the end...


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.07pm, 3rd January 2012