something i dare not post, then

things going on my mind :
SG trip
u and u
and the times we've spent together
the hug
the apologies
YOU!

somehow it's hard to let go,
when something has become a routine,
when something is missing;
it's like your body without any of your organs.

this has to stop,
what she said was right,
it's time to stop getting too close to people like you.

but this is not me, it's not how I work.
How do I stop doing things like this?
Things that'll make me heartbroken,
things that will bring me back to square one in the end?

this had happened 2 times,
if it goes on like this,
i think i'm going to turn a cold heart and stop these things.

if only you could read my mind and understand what's in my mind,
you'd know that you're in my mind most of the time if not everyday.

I'm really surprised after knowing me for so long(okay, maybe not that long),
you don't even know that I understand you,
to the point that I know you wouldn't talk to me like that.

I don't wanna say anything like I did for the last time,
I don't wanna ruin this relationship the way it is,
It is already good the way it is,
i'm not asking for anything more than what we have,
i just hope that things remain the way it is.

in a few months time, i'd be even more devastated.
i know you're leaving,
i can't stop you,
i also cannot make you stay,
it is for your own good,
i just hope that you wouldn't forget me,
and that I know you will be happier,
when you finally find the girl you really love,
who'd care for you when you're sick,
who'd love you for who you are,
who'd do all the things for you the way a wife should,
who'd love you and not hurt you,
who's going to do all the things I'll not be able to do for or with you.

I've never been so wild in my life,
only and only with you.
We did things I've never done,
memories I don't think I'll ever share with someone else.

U gave me a ring, and I returned it,
I don't know how to handle the ring,
it's too much commitment to handle,
too much love from someone I don't love,
too much disappointment to someone I don't love,
too much devastation from someone I love.

I hope in time to come,
my feelings for you will not go deeper,
and that I'd know how to handle things with you.

I've never thought things like this would happen,
heck, I didn't even know I'd even go out with you,
never, ever have I thought,
but I guess it's right,
never say never.

Sometimes I don't know if you're testing me or just plain stupid.
If you were testing me, it's not the way,
if you weren't, then it's just me who reads the wrong signals (hint: iphone case)

I know I'm not your type of girl,
not the type who'd just let you take over,
not dependent, not dramatic,
not like your average blonde, if that's what you were looking for.

I know maybe you just like my company,
or maybe I was just your nearest company you could find.

I was also the one you trusted with your car,
something you've never done with others.
I like the feeling of being trusted by you.

Seeing how far you went through for your best friend,
I wish you could do the same for me,
I wish you would go that far and through all the trouble,
for me. For my birthday this year, but I know it is impossible,
unless I find you there, at where u are at on m birthday this year,
but I don't want to go there, and find that you have a gf,
that would be my worst birthday ever.
However, it would be great if you could just give me a call,
But heck, I've loved a lot of people and I think,
maybe, just maybe, I could be over you by that time,
and that I won't still be loving you, and hoping you'd do all these for me.

These tears that started a long time ago, should stop, it should just stop.
But I know if they don't flow, you wouldn't leave.
And that day, in your car when I cried, I know you noticed, I just wished I didn't felt so heavy hearted on your leaving.
I've cried a few times before, but you didn't realize it.
I should just stop here. Should just stop ALL THESE CRAP!


until then, this is jOyCe signing out at 11.07pm, 27th February 2012