i don't know.. really...
things going on my mind :
what the hell?
As mentioned, i shudn't even be thinking or writing this down, but i treat this as a memoir..
I really don't know what to say anymore... i should let go, but i can't stand seeing her face..
i couldn't even stand sitting in a room together anymore...
lecturers have been asking and its too obvious for them not to see... one has even asked that we talk to her, but whats the point when all she wants to do is mingle around with her 'friends' and i quote
my only aim is to finish our assignments
tat is all..
other than that, im going to put them aside
how can we even find a time? I've sacrificed our hands on time partly because of this.. but mostly because i din study for my mid-term when i was rushing for EMC assignment...
who's the first one who created this mess? who is the one who slowly, without any notice, slipped away to sit with some1 else? who made it obvious that they don't wanna sit with us? who sent us countless smses saying that they cannot keep up with us, felt that they were transparent amongst us? who said that they din wanna burden us with a frowning face but ends up pretending to be happy with others? who asked that we leave them alone and then come back to us? who caused this mess? WHO?!!! I am so confused... what was once a friendship, turned into a hatred...
Today, i was supposed to forgive everyone today, but it turns out that i couldn't even forgive myself for wanting to forgive someone like her...
it's a little thing my mum got from her course and everyday, we pick out one card and do what it's stated in the card etc. yesterday was service, i serviced my mum that day, she said i did well, but today, I got "FORGIVENESS"! straightaway, i told my mum i couldn't do it.. my mum talked me into buying her a card.. a simple gesture.. i thought it would be something nice.. but after listening to what she had to say about some1, i felt that she was so cruel, i asked myself why i was so kind to some1 like her? cruel and cold... i din wanna waste the card as i won't be giving any cards to anyone... so i wrote my heart's thoughts in it, left it on her shoes, and went on studying...
my mum said i shudn't even have given the card, but it was my gesture that i acknowledge her special day, was not able to celebrate it with her because she has turned out to be someone some1 like that...
I din ask for someone who can laugh or make me happy ALL THE TIME. I won't repeat useless things or not important things i said because they are not important, not significant. No one is perfect, we all have our good and bad sides, i almost accepted your bad sides... until this.. i talked more to the other to keep her updated, not because i'm practice favouritism... you always use this word when you don't get things your way with some1... i thought you needed more time, but the more time it took, the farther we drifted.. the more unfamiliar we got... i admit that i let it go too deep before i realized that there was no turning back... and that's the fact, there is..... no turning back....... but let bygone be bygones, all's left is a lesson learnt, a heart scarred, a mess to clean up...
You have been a great friend,-Jean & Chi Yee
and we spent a lot of time together,
good and bad.
Those are the times we cherish with one another,
Therefore, Chi Yee and I decided to do this for you,
You are the first to see such pictures with such faces,
Hope our craziness brings you happiness!
And hope you enjoy your first birthday celebration with us,
and MAY WE HAVE MORE GREAT TIMES TOGETHER,
although we might be really busy,
WE LOVE YOU!
reading it again, i felt that you've expected it to be like this... maybe you mixed up your tenses but i felt as if you knew it was going to end... this has been the best gft, but also the most hurtful one now that things have become like this...
A last bid goodbye to such things...
this is jOyCe signing out at 11.o7pm, Friday, 20th March 2009
posted by Joyce at
Friday, March 20, 2009
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